The Dance of Courtship

Ah, courtship!  The dance of Love, passion and future.  I have often said to my peers that by large, the human species is the only one in which the women attracted the men.  Mind you, this doesn't mean that women do all the work, but they are the ones who primarily cause the attraction.  When I thought about this topic for today, I decided to look the information up, become better informed.  To my surprise, there are more species that have an evenness of roles in attraction across the Animal Kingdom.


Too often, we associate male birds, fish and other animals with putting on shows and brightly colored displays to attract a mate.  In the article I read this morning ("In the Animal Kingdom, a New Look at Female Beauty," The New York Times),  there are examples of animals in which the male does display colors or striking marks, but the female returns this display.  The brighter the females' markings, the more desirable the mate.  The first example of this is the Goby fish, in which the males approach a female and show off blue spots on their fins.  If the female is interested, it will back-flip, displaying the bright yellow spots on its belly.  The brighter the spots, the better the chance of courtship.

This was cause for pause.  Was it reflected in our society?  It seems that our first line of courtship is the colorful plumes of our females, the hair, make-up, clothing and everything else that goes into primping.  We parade in front of our male counterparts, hoping someone will approach us and talk to us.  We smile, play with our hair, make eye contact and flirtatiously look away.  But it isn't all one way.

Men, I am sure, primp extensively when they are out looking for the courtship of their life.  So while they are showing their colorful plumes, surely they are nervous about looking at ours.  While attractiveness is a crucial point of coming together as a couple, there are so many factors that cannot be accurately calculated by science.  As a higher level of society, we do not court simply for the need of impregnating and leaving.  We have, as far as I am able to tell, evolved beyond that point.  We have become a society of monogamy and feel the need to court, not only those who stimulate the loins, but who stimulate our intellect, our interests and our need for companionship.

To those women who are experiencing difficulty finding that man who want to court them or they keep meeting the "wrong" men, I was there.  I met too many of the wrong guys and constantly thought that was all I could have.  I was told in high school that I was a girl guys would marry, but would never date.  I am dead serious!  I was so confused.  How could you marry me but not date me?

Fast forward to today.  After years of online dating and months upon months of wasted relationships, of tearing myself down, convincing myself I don't deserve better, I found my companion.  But it took time.  I am lucky enough to find someone who embraces my intellect and my perspective of the world, who also supports me in all that I do.  This will happen for you too.  You have to consider that our society has been flooded with media images of the desirable girl.  But those girls don't last.  I finally understand what that boy in high school meant by what he said.  I am not someone for a few dates.  I am someone to settle down with.  And I am so happy I have found the man I will settle down with.

Don't give up on love.  Love will come when you least expect it.  When you don't see it, it might just be like a flower covered in snow.  Give it time, culture your garden and suddenly, it will bloom.  Until then, indulge in yourself, ladies and gents.  The more you know about yourself, the better you can present yourself and the stronger your relationships.  For now, enjoy a thing called, "La Vie."