...and when I say that, I don't mean from the everyday. I mean from this. I have been away for some time now. I apologize. Life has its ups and downs and lately, the downs keep coming from uphill. The wedding is well on its way, current to 65 days remaining (eek!). Work is going forward as work often does. But perhaps I am better to break these items down by type and discuss individually.
Wedding first. We have all our major vendors planned out and only need finalize certain elements. That is an excellent feeling. Not an excellent feeling? Feeling a struggle between you and your bridesmaids and your bridesmaids against each other. Someone not being able to afford a dress, a family making you feel guilty for wanting your vision and then they are able to afford it afterall. Your sisters wanting to give you what you want in celebration whereas your friend, a bridesmaid, fights for something polar opposite. All the while, the word "tradition" comes into play. That's not tradition, that's not done, traditionally....STOP! I am not a traditional woman. I will be wearing flats, not heels. My flower girl will be wearing a color, not white. The ring bearer will be wearing khakis and a shirt, not a tux. I will be straightening and request you straighten your hair to save time the morning of. Get it got it good! Our day, our way is pretty soon going to become my motto.
On top of all this, my fiance received a summons yesterday that we need to be in court the day we are scheduled to leave our honeymoon to come home. So, unless it is resolved and cancelled, we will be cutting our honeymoon short. But rest assure, his ex may try, but she won't destroy me.
I begin 12-hour shifts for a second time tomorrow. My coworker I am covering goes abroad for a week. I am exhausted. I don't have any energy. My stress level is through the roof and I never seem to relax. My tension is up, as I am sure my blood pressure is. Meanwhile in the thick of this, I am trying to determine my life path. Further my education but how and for what? What step to take?
There are glimmers of "hope" I guess you can say. My fiance and I are working to strengthen our relationship through this strife. We see it as an opportunity to increase our communication and our intimacy. I continue to write when inspired. Ironically, the book has outlines but the majority of chapters have not been completed so I might leave and edit them. I might need to reconsider my process. I need to purchase a dremel to continue on my jewelry making endeavor. I am also going to be making my bridesmaids gifts so I will work on those as well. Thank goodness a massage is coming in a few weeks and I might have a glimmer of hope as to making it through all this.
