This weekend has been wild and the weather matched it to a T. My fiancé and I woke on Sunday morning to a dreary day, planning to travel to Roanoke, VA to have a birthday celebration with one of his cousins. Not even an hour later, I look out the window and snow was falling in heavy flakes onto the ground. The world began to look colder. We hurried to get to church only to find that services had been cancelled. The birthday party was frozen, much as the world around us. We decided to venture there, anyways, to visit his parents.
We had a glorious time. I love my future in-laws greatly. But the snow kept worrying me to no end. What if we can't get out, I think. What if I can't get to work? What then? My fiancé tried with all his might to calm me, but to no avail. I had swung into a mini panic attack...OVER WORK!
I told him he wouldn't understand and I truly don't think he ever would. How do you explain to someone that missing work is giving you a panic and anxiety attack? That you feel your duty to your place of employment so strongly that it makes you feel sick to miss it. Or how even when you are sick, you try everything in your will to get there or last there. We got home safely and I am sitting in my pod, safely. No worries, no anxiety.
Work seems to be like a constant in my life. My father taught me a strong work ethic. You look and ask for work if you don't have anything to do. That is called job security. When you have questions about things, you learn about it until you can't understand and then you ask for help. That is called ambition. Did my learning such a strong and powerful ethic cause me to go too extreme?
My fiancé would tell you that I am a worry wart. Shoot, I would confess to that as well! I worry constantly. And yet, I tell the people around me to not worry about things they have no feasible control over. So why can't I embrace that as well?
Saturday night, I had an interesting dream. I was biking on a path and people were constantly biking around me. I was moving slowly, but it was hilly as well. And the hills got steeper and steeper until I finally reached a hill that was insurmountable on my own accord. I felt myself rolling back and closed my eyes. All of a sudden, I felt something pushing me up. I was not peddling or using any of my own force. I found myself at the top of the hill. Furthermore, the top of that hill turned out to be the top of a mountain where no one else could reach. I stopped there and gazed out in this view that no one else could or would ever witness and gasped. I could see from shore to shore, boats in the harbor and houses in the villages around me. I took pictures, inhaling the air and feeling the warm breeze.
Then, I woke up.
When I told my fiancé, he interpreted it the same way I did. Perhaps it is God's way of telling me that nothing is insurmountable if I trust. And I know I have a hard time trusting Him sometimes. I worry and fret when truly, there is no reason. If it is in His hands, He will find a way. Maybe not now, not tomorrow or not for several years. But it will happen...in His time. But, until my time or your time comes to discover what is the answer, enjoy a thing called, "La Vie."
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