Married, with a Boyfriend

Long past is the time of world-wind romances and sweeping people off their feet.  If you watch the news and listen to the radio with any sort of consistency, you will undoubtedly hear about cheating and infidelity.  What actor/actress was found in the arms of a person NOT their spouse today?  Perhaps it was arranged that way, an open relationship.  I cannot imagine what the people of yesteryear would say to the ongoings of our current generation.

Now, before you jump all over me for my title, let me explain myself.  Yes, it is a bold statement but no, I am not wanting nor ever want to cheat on my fiancé.  So before you go try to track him down and warn him of the imminent danger he is walking into, please allow me to elaborate.

So often, couples complain about how after they were married, the sizzle fizzled.  This is often a reason given that people seek other partners: to find the sizzle again.  It is too much work to rekindle that fire and so much easier to stoke it with a stranger.  But I want to keep my fire alive.  I want to be both married to my fiancé AND for him to be my boyfriend.

Make sense now?

Of course, this will never be easy.  We would forever be hounded by the pressures surrounding us.  But it is the glimmer in his eyes that tells me this is possible.  Am I always willing? No and neither is he.  However, I know we can still be playful with each other.  We leave notes for each other and try to kiss one another as often as possible.  We cuddle and talk.  Our good-byes in the morning are long and our welcome home in the evenings can't come fast enough.  This is what I desire.  To be able to come home, to a strong, stable, amazing man who can also enjoy playing, flirting and loving me like we just met yesterday.

It is not without its problems.  We are not perfect, by far!  But we realize that we need to communicate and try to work through things rather than shrug them off.  Take last night as an example.  I had previously asked that he open up to me about his thoughts and feelings.  I want to be his girlfriend and future wife.  However, when he did, the girlfriend in me came out instead of the loving wife.  The girlfriend lashed out, not understanding fully what he was talking about or confused as to what to do.  The wife would have looked at him lovingly and filed everything he said in the back of her mind to use at a later point in time.  I was able to bring the wife forward but it was not without bruising his feelings and Ego first. 

If you are reading this, my Love, for that I am truly sorry <3

No relationship is perfect, true.  But a relationship is what you make it.  It can be sizzle, fire and spark or it can be dull, lifeless and wanting.  You have to seek in the other person what you need to be fulfilled.  And reach a compromise.  These are things that you can never stop seeking, for fear of losing that fire.  To stop looking for the one you love is to stop fighting for the relationship.

I have amends to make for the girlfriend coming out when it should have been the wife.  I realize that.  However, I know that my love for my fiancé is deeper than any love I have felt previously.  And I will fight tooth and nail to stay his support.  For now, all I can do is wait for the end of the day, to come home to my fiancé and his son, who will be with us this weekend.  Until that moment, I have to try to enjoy a thing called, "La Vie."