Today, the world continues to celebrate St. Patrick's Day here. It is gloomy and rainy. It causes me to want home-made potato soup and brown bread, like my mom makes. Ah, to be there, in Ireland.
Yesterday, the world seemed to be crying with my fiancé and I as we had to drive the two and a half hours to take his son back. Weekends are always so short when we have the extra bit of love in the house. He is 5 and even though he may frustrate us, we adore him. We don't ever want to let him go. Sometimes it can be a struggle for me. Having this charming young boy in our lives includes his mother being there also, my fiancé's first wife. While I wish they can stay civil for the good of their son, it also makes me sad to witness. The marriage was far over before I entered into my fiancé's life but still...
At first, I told my fiancé that if he ever saw an opprotunity to reconcile with his ex, I would encourage him to do so. He looked at me as though I had three heads.
"Why on earth would I want to do that?"
Why would I ask such a question? I think, in my mind, I don't ever want to keep a family apart. If there came a time when people might be able to reconcile, I encourage and want it to happen. I grew up in a family where my parents had their arguements, yes, but they always reached a resolution. I know my sisters and I always worried they would divorce. It was a relatively new thing in society as we grew up and us as well as other kids feared it with a passion. That was the kiss of death when you were told a family was divorcing. As a result, I would never wish that upon anyone, for any reason whatsoever.
As time passed and the relationship grew, I saw there no evidence that the past marriage could ever be revived. The things I lived through with my fiancé would make your blood run cold. The things his son was exposed to and heard between them. Being deprived of his son for so long....
This weekend and ever weekend we have to take his son back leads me to almost relive ever bad thing we have ever heard, witness or will in the future. It makes me wonder how someone can call themselves a role model but lead their life so dangerously. It is like wondering how people who live below the radar of the law continuously get away with the crimes they commit. I won't ever know an answer. All I can do, all we can do, is wait for the moment we will have to fight for his son. And that day will come.
It is only a matter of time...
So, while the rain falls gently on the Earth, crying with my soul, I remain respectfully still. The silence brings alive so much within me. I can reflect on where I have been and where I am going. I encourage you to do the same. If you are in a custody situation, reflect on your behavior toward your child and your ex-spouse. Have you been a less than ideal role model? What is a role model to you? Until next time, I hope you have a lovely day and enjoy a thing called, "La Vie."
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