A Mass Departure into a New Beginning

Exodus, n.-

1 capitalized: The mainly narrative second book of canonical Jewish and Christian Scripture
2: A mass departure: emigration

Parting of the Red Sea, as depicted in Prince of Egypt.

One of my favorite books in the Bible is Exodus.  The first definition lays reason for this, as it is almost purely narrative telling of the Jews plight in Egypt and how Moses was able to lead them out to the Promise Land.  As a younger child, I was entranced by the idea of the hardships these people encountered, as well as the might of God as he helped Moses guide them from Egypt.  It is a fascination that has been with my my entire life as I have constantly loved reading and researching about the ancient Egyptians.  I thoroughly enjoyed the fact that in modern times, Prince of Egypt was released, a cartoon rendition of the story from Exodus.  The songs are haunting and beautiful.  If you have not seen this, I strongly recommend the movie.

Why am I writing about this, you may be asking.  Last Sunday, on Easter, the assistance pastor of the church my fiance and I attend spoke on how when the Hebrews went into the desert, fleeing from the Land of Egypt, they began to complain that they would be much happier for the leeks and garlic of Egypt.  I have been pondering this sermon for the whole of the week.  I decided to seek out the verse myself and found this:

2 Here in the desert the whole Israelite community grumbled against Moses and Aaron. 3 The Israelites said to them, "Would that we had died at the LORD's hand in the land of Egypt, as we sat by our fleshpots and ate our fill of bread! But you had to lead us into this desert to make the whole community die of famine!"

Exodus 16: 2-4,  New American Bible,  Catholic Word Press

A "fleshpot" as defined by bible-history.com is taken to mean "One of the six kinds of cooking utensils spoken of as pots or pans or cauldrons or basins. Probably usually made of bronze or earthenware."  You may be thinking about this and, knowing what Moses had gone through to allow their freedom and the scourges that were prevented from falling on their heads (mainly the Plagues), why on Earth would these people grumble to such extent?

This was the base of the sermon on Easter and how the Lord will provide.  But how can someone not help but grumble and complain when they are so uncertain of their future?  Consider this: In Egypt, the Israelites knew hour by hour, day by day what would happen.  Once they left that world, they did not know what would become of them.  This, for anyone, is a scary situation to be in!  They have been taken from their beds, their pots, packing unleavened bread, and leaving all that they knew for all that they didn't.

In the sermon, there was also reference to how, while Moses was on the mountain, receiving the Ten Commandments, how a golden calf was constructed.  The assistance pastor commented that this was because this is all that the Israelites recognized as god.  They were associating what they had learned from Egypt and creating what they considered would be God to worship.  In truth, we know why Moses had come down from the mountain and, seeing this, became angered.  However, it can no more be attributed to their lack of knowledge as to who God really is.

Up until this time, man would see a miracle and make that miracle a god.  These gods ranges from the elements to animals to other human beings.  If we do not know who God is or what He is, how else could they color Him?  The pursuit of God and Faith is rife with these incidents.  As we know, God was good to the Israelites and blessed them, despite their doubt and distrust in Him.

So often, we become comfortable in our surroundings that when we are taken from them, we begin to long for the world that we know was bad for us.  We do not trust the plan that is in place for us.  When we leave a world, a life that we know, we fear what we do not.  I have been fortunate to never had gotten into drugs or alcohol to the point of addiction, but this can be especially true for addicts.  They cannot remember a world void of the substance which has, in effect, became a god.  To leave that world can be scary and daunting for them.

I just thought this was a beautiful picture, perfect for the idea of this post.

Fear not the world you come into.  Fear the one you leave.  Often times, the comforts of what we have known become our biggest pitfalls into old habits.  This is why support systems in our lives are so important to kicking any addiction, be it of a substance, of the flesh, of ill living or anything else that is preventing us from living fully.  You may not want to turn to the one I know as God.  But even to leave those dark corridors of your life, you need motivation and support.  I invite everyone to reflect on their habits and life.  Even I constantly must reflect on the life I lead.  Together, we can build a community to help one another overcome the obstacles laying in our paths.  We all stand on the precipice of life and on the edge of a great cliff.  Together, we can survive the things that may cause us to tumble into the valley below.

The Road For Which I am Meant

A few days ago, I wrote about a dream I had.  I described it in as much detail as I was able to remember.  I also shared what my fiancé, who has a calling to the ministry, thought the dream meant.  In case you have forgotten and do not want to look back on an old post, the gist of it was this: I had come across an insurmountable hill on my bicycle and started sliding backwards.  Suddenly, it felt as though a hand was pushing me, without any assistance from my own pedaling.  I found myself on top of a beautiful mountain, a place where no one else could ever reach.  My fiancé shared with me that he felt it was God's way of telling me that He would always help me overcome, no matter what lies in my wake.

Yesterday afternoon, while I was on my way home from work, I began to think about my faith, God and the seemingly insurmountable objects I had conquered.  And a specific time came to mind. 

I moved to Virginia on November 30th, 2012 and began work at my place place of employment on the 3rd of December, 2012.  This is officially my first time ever moving out of my parents' home (not counting college, naturally) and my first time ever living with a boyfriend.  Work was progressing nicely and I was getting positive feedback all around from co-workers and clients alike.  Approximately 2-3 weeks into my new job, something happened that scared me.  This is about mid-December.  I work alternating weeks.  One week, I will work 9-6 (early), next week, I will work 12- 9 (late), and I work every Wednesday late.  It was a week I was working the late shift and I was coming home.  I was on the phone with my then-boyfriend, now fiancé, talking about my day.  I was driving in the right lane.  Suddenly, out of no where, a deer came darting from left to right and a collision occurred.

The deer got away but I felt as though the breath was stolen from my chest.  My poor fiancé was on the phone, the line quiet, possibly only hearing the heavy breathing being exhaled from my tightened chest.  He began to panic, I heard the concern in his voice.  I pulled over, I got out, still on the phone, and I walked around my car. 

The damage seemed cosmetic.  It was still functioning, just not pretty.  I got home and fiancé came out and looked over the car.  The only thing left to prove the existence of the deer was the fur it left, caught in the buckled hood of my first car.  We took pictures, I wrote my insurance agent and the recovery process began.

As soon as I got the go ahead to take it into a shop, I did.  They immediately put me into a rental car, saying the car was illegal to drive with the broken headlight (the lamp itself was still operational).  A few days later, I was told my car was a total loss.  The repairs would be too much to warrant the repair.  It was more than cosmetic.  I now had about 5 days to find a replacement.

I was scared.  I was afraid.  I wasn't prepared to make such a purchase.  Could I afford it?  I had student loans, I was living in a new place, I had a farther commute.

I don't know what happened or how it happened, I think I put a post out on Facebook about my plight.  My middle sister (who works part-time at a dealership) calls me. "We have a car here that is really nice.  It was just put on the lot.  You need to look at it.  I will send you the paperwork."

I did all the paperwork.  She calls me back, "They are asking about a car loan.  Did you co-sign your boyfriend's car?  You need to call and talk to them."  So I did.  I explained that the car in the accident was not the car I had just signed on a loan for.  I had to help my boyfriend.  He would have done it for me.

That Saturday, we went to the dealership to discuss the car and what the price might be per month.  I was cringing.  I was so concerned I wouldn't be able to afford it.  But I needed a car.  Christmas was next week!  I walk in and my sister was sitting in the receptionist chair:

"I am so jealous of you!  Wait until you hear your car payment!"

There were gentlemen around her.  One of them looked up and said, "I got your car payment to under $200.  That includes every insurance you can have on a vehicle."

I was shocked.  Something I could afford.  Something that wouldn't break the bank.  And a car that felt like a luxury car to me.  OK, so the electric locks don't work on the driver's door.  And the CD player went ca-put.  But it drives. 

I was thinking yesterday about how God must have had a hand in that intervention.  I was in a dark hour of despair.  I don't recall muttering a prayer for help but I very well may have.  But irregardless, He was there when I needed it.

The situation was very odd.  My fiancé told me then I should have driven in the left lane.  I told him it came from the left so that would have resulted in more damage.  My mom tells me it was a force of hand, but that I am fortunate to have found such a great deal.  My dad thought I got a good vehicle for the circumstances.  The very next day, I was engaged. 

I won't ever fully understand why things happen as they do.  It isn't my place to understand the phenomenon in life.  But acknowledging the significance of that occurrence in my life is a big step for me.  It is admitting that whether I acknowledged Him or not, He never stopped looking out for me.  If I reflect further back, I can see it throughout my life.  I am a very trusting person, which has its place.  But I put myself in some dangerous situations.  However, I always overcame the obstacles.  That's why I can enjoy a thing called, "La Vie."

All that Glitters...

It is a story that we all encounter at some point, either in our own experiences or through someone else.  That story of choosing between love and money.  A choice between a life that could be rife of poverty but full of love or a life filled with riches, yet devoid of Love.  A life of convenience or of dedication.  What would you choose?

It may seem simple.  You may consider that having money would far outweigh the need for Love.  That you can fill that void.  But you can't.  A void from Love is one that is never filled because Love is endless so the void, too, must be endless and bottomless.  This comes to mind today because yesterday evening, I had a conversation with a coworker of mine.  She illustrated this choice (although it is not at the point of love) between a younger man who has similar life experiences or an older man who offers her comfort.  She said her friends insisted it was an easy decision, one you shouldn't have to think about.  As she talked it through with me, I think she already knew her answer: Love.

In truth, I am not unlike her.  I, too, had decisions like this cross my path.  I was offered to fly around the world, to receive a living stipend, to be cared for.  I was told any work I missed would be compensated and paid for, plus shopping, fine dining and excellent accommodations.  And each time, I knew I was not the only woman in the man's life.  I was a companion, an escort of sorts, that he was seeking out.  A younger woman to stand by his side and on his arm, one with intellect, who can entertain witty conversation.  But it was empty...

It made me feel empty... 

No, I didn't go flying around the world, receive a stipend or otherwise conduct myself improperly in this circumstance.  I am a woman driven by Love.  I discovered this every time I encountered a situation where Love would not be sown into the relationship/courtship.  I would wonder why I wasn't enough, what I could do to become enough.  The truth was that those men didn't want Love.  They wanted a companion, someone they could buy, wine and dine and not owe any explanation to.  An easy way out.

My past experiences paint who I am today.  If I didn't not realize how much I run off Love, I would not be engaged to a man whose being runs off Love as well.  I would not be loving his son, his family, nor anyone else associated with him, if I did not discover this pivotal piece of information about myself.  The world cries and searching for the meaning of Life but perhaps we can only get clues.  This was a clue for me.

Reflect on your past and the experiences you have come from.  Perhaps, there is a clue to the meaning of your life within those painted walls of memories.  We build our lives as a mansion, the outside is perfect, gilded and glittering with success and decency.  But how is it furnished on this inside?  Is it furnished with Love, Faith, Hope, Trust and other values you desire to have?  Or is it unfurnished, waiting for the pieces to be put in.  Perhaps all that is there is a crooked picture hanging on the wall.  It is waiting.  Waiting for you to straighten it and look into the eyes of your experience.  Perhaps it is a mirror.

While you reflect on your experiences and what makes you, you, consider this.  No two people run on the same emotional stream.  This is why relationships can be difficult.  What drives me in some aspects of my life doesn't necessarily mean it does for my fiancé.  But you work on it.  You compromise.  You understand those differences and come to terms that maybe you won't get to cuddle all the time, for example.  But maybe that's what makes those times you do cuddle that much more sacred.  Until you stop by again, I hope you enjoy a thing called, "La Vie."