Vices Reversed

As human beings, we all face vices throughout our lives.  These vices may change over time and may come to impact who we are as individuals.  But to deny the presence of any vice is to deny a basic human nature.  Vices are depicted as something negative upon a person.  +Merriam-Webster defines "vice" in the 1c definition as, "a habitual and usually trivial defect of shortcoming."  With this definition in mind, the term "vice" can be extended to even the most basic of bad habits.

In a previous post, I have shared that I had a vice of food.  Food was how I made myself feel better, how I filled time when bored and other obstacles I had faced.  Alas, I wish this was the only vice I have had to battle, but there is another.  Happily, I am having great deal more success battling the latter.  World: I was a nail bitter.

Growing up, I had all the excuses for biting my nails. I play violin and nails will get in the way of playing, or, When I go horse riding (which was rarely), the nails will hurt the horse, or, I can't stop.  I actually successfully quit biting my nails for a month before I graduated from college.  Unfortunately, those big papers hit along with a few all-nighters and all that success went by the wayside.  A few weeks ago, I was presented with the opportunity to meet someone higher in the company.  Upon this information, I immediately looked at my hands and a resolve was developed.  I have not bitten my nails since.

Like any addiction (because I do believe both of these items qualify as an addiction for me), the risk of temptation is there and even more so given the nature of my vices.  We all have to eat and my nails are always present on my body.  It isn't like other addiction where I can cleanse myself of the temptation.  I keep my nails painted because if they aren't, the temptation is there even more than normal.

What is your vice with which you battle?  Perhaps you have not identified what you face everyday and that is perfectly normal.  As in any addiction, the first step is admitting you have a problem.  I have a problem with abusing the presence of food and biting my nails.  Once you see the problem, know the problem, it is easier to work to solving the problem.

Ironically, I work on a smoking cessation chat line and help people with addiction everyday.  I have picked up some suggestions that may help anyone, including myself:
-> Make a list of reasons to quit, goals once you quit and rewards along the way.  Keep this close at hand for whenever you experience the need to feed your vice/addiction.

No matter what it may be...

-> Find something to do to distract yourself from your craving.  I still need to work on this one but if your vice requires your hands, keeping your hands busy distracts from the vice.
-> Remember that this is not solved in one leap.  The battle of vice/addiction is fought day by day, not at the end of the journey.  Wake up every morning with the resolve to fight this day for your health, your peace of mind and your future.

Just three things to think about.  I am hopping offline so I might get ready for the day.  I might do something to keep myself distracted.  I hope you all have a wonderful day and enjoy a thing called, "La Vie."

The Power to Change

If you have any intimate knowledge of me as a person, you know my weight is something I have struggled with for a great part of my life.  I have a low self-esteem.  I like to think I hide it well, with the exception of being around those who make me feel comfortable.  But it comes out.  At work, it comes out in a lack of confidence in my job.  I annoy my fiance by saying, "I am going to be fired!  I am not good at my job."  At home, it comes out by hating each piece of food I put in my mouth.

I have said before that if I had the "strength," I would be anorexic.  I thank God that I do not have the strength nor the desperation to fall into any eating disorder such as Anorexia or Bulimia.  But I have read the Thinspiration blogs.  I have made myself eat less to try and not binge later.  My relationship with food is poor, at best.  I will feel bad about myself, talking to my fiance about how I need to lose weight.  Yet, as soon as I get home, I get something to eat.  I hate every bite I have but I can't stop.

I have come to realize that I am addicted to food.  Like any addict, this is my coping mechanism.  I realized this several years ago.  My last two years in college, I had done a complete 180.  I had lost about 50 lbs.  I was working out, counting calories and trying so hard to improve myself.  This makes me feel almost worse about going back to where I was.  After I lost that weight, I found a plateau.  My mom was being supportive and being such, she asked me why I didn't think I could go farther.  My fiance just recently asked me the same thing.  What I said shocked them, I think: "I am afraid to be skinny because what if that isn't good enough for me?"

At my job, I work on a smoking cessation chat project.  I help people stop smoking by giving advice, letting them vent or simply letting them talk out and find the answers to questions.  We all have the tools to best whatever addiction we face.  The photo at the top is something I use for smoking addiction.  I have been meaning to make this list and finally, I have.  The list is this:

I DON'T NEED FOOD!

What I brought is enough.

My wedding day is enough.

My future children are enough.

My next birthday is enough.

My fiance is enough.

I have had enough!

You have the power to change your life.

YOU & no one else!

I have made these affirmations a bookmark.  More importantly, it is sitting in a book my middle sister gave me to read a few months ago (The Weird Sisters by Eleanor Brown).  This for me is necessary.  How can I be an example for my future children or my future stepson if I cannot even love who I see in the mirror?  How can I preach self-esteem when it is a battle I fight every day and night?  How can I fully love my future husband if I struggle to find something in myself to love?

No more!  At some point, in every addict's life, you have to tell yourself it is enough.  The addiction, whether illicit or mundane, is not worth losing a quality of life.  I may fear what will happen from break this, but I fear more what will happen if I do not.  I want to turn "I am afraid" into "Yes, I can" into "Yes I did it!!"  

Is there something in your life you want to change?  It doesn't have to be an addiction but maybe you want to start a hobby or learn something new.  Maybe you want to go back to school or improve yourself.  The only thing stopping you is you.  Make a motivation list, a list of reasons and a list of goals.  Then, make a plan.  We can change what we don't like or better ourselves if we want.  It is all a matter of Self.

A Mass Departure into a New Beginning

Exodus, n.-

1 capitalized: The mainly narrative second book of canonical Jewish and Christian Scripture
2: A mass departure: emigration

Parting of the Red Sea, as depicted in Prince of Egypt.

One of my favorite books in the Bible is Exodus.  The first definition lays reason for this, as it is almost purely narrative telling of the Jews plight in Egypt and how Moses was able to lead them out to the Promise Land.  As a younger child, I was entranced by the idea of the hardships these people encountered, as well as the might of God as he helped Moses guide them from Egypt.  It is a fascination that has been with my my entire life as I have constantly loved reading and researching about the ancient Egyptians.  I thoroughly enjoyed the fact that in modern times, Prince of Egypt was released, a cartoon rendition of the story from Exodus.  The songs are haunting and beautiful.  If you have not seen this, I strongly recommend the movie.

Why am I writing about this, you may be asking.  Last Sunday, on Easter, the assistance pastor of the church my fiance and I attend spoke on how when the Hebrews went into the desert, fleeing from the Land of Egypt, they began to complain that they would be much happier for the leeks and garlic of Egypt.  I have been pondering this sermon for the whole of the week.  I decided to seek out the verse myself and found this:

2 Here in the desert the whole Israelite community grumbled against Moses and Aaron. 3 The Israelites said to them, "Would that we had died at the LORD's hand in the land of Egypt, as we sat by our fleshpots and ate our fill of bread! But you had to lead us into this desert to make the whole community die of famine!"

Exodus 16: 2-4,  New American Bible,  Catholic Word Press

A "fleshpot" as defined by bible-history.com is taken to mean "One of the six kinds of cooking utensils spoken of as pots or pans or cauldrons or basins. Probably usually made of bronze or earthenware."  You may be thinking about this and, knowing what Moses had gone through to allow their freedom and the scourges that were prevented from falling on their heads (mainly the Plagues), why on Earth would these people grumble to such extent?

This was the base of the sermon on Easter and how the Lord will provide.  But how can someone not help but grumble and complain when they are so uncertain of their future?  Consider this: In Egypt, the Israelites knew hour by hour, day by day what would happen.  Once they left that world, they did not know what would become of them.  This, for anyone, is a scary situation to be in!  They have been taken from their beds, their pots, packing unleavened bread, and leaving all that they knew for all that they didn't.

In the sermon, there was also reference to how, while Moses was on the mountain, receiving the Ten Commandments, how a golden calf was constructed.  The assistance pastor commented that this was because this is all that the Israelites recognized as god.  They were associating what they had learned from Egypt and creating what they considered would be God to worship.  In truth, we know why Moses had come down from the mountain and, seeing this, became angered.  However, it can no more be attributed to their lack of knowledge as to who God really is.

Up until this time, man would see a miracle and make that miracle a god.  These gods ranges from the elements to animals to other human beings.  If we do not know who God is or what He is, how else could they color Him?  The pursuit of God and Faith is rife with these incidents.  As we know, God was good to the Israelites and blessed them, despite their doubt and distrust in Him.

So often, we become comfortable in our surroundings that when we are taken from them, we begin to long for the world that we know was bad for us.  We do not trust the plan that is in place for us.  When we leave a world, a life that we know, we fear what we do not.  I have been fortunate to never had gotten into drugs or alcohol to the point of addiction, but this can be especially true for addicts.  They cannot remember a world void of the substance which has, in effect, became a god.  To leave that world can be scary and daunting for them.

I just thought this was a beautiful picture, perfect for the idea of this post.

Fear not the world you come into.  Fear the one you leave.  Often times, the comforts of what we have known become our biggest pitfalls into old habits.  This is why support systems in our lives are so important to kicking any addiction, be it of a substance, of the flesh, of ill living or anything else that is preventing us from living fully.  You may not want to turn to the one I know as God.  But even to leave those dark corridors of your life, you need motivation and support.  I invite everyone to reflect on their habits and life.  Even I constantly must reflect on the life I lead.  Together, we can build a community to help one another overcome the obstacles laying in our paths.  We all stand on the precipice of life and on the edge of a great cliff.  Together, we can survive the things that may cause us to tumble into the valley below.

With Rings on Her Fingers

I am late today!  I have had a long day at work.  My hours were extended today to include a webinar for my position.  It was worth it.  Isn't it rewarding to say something like, "I had to go to work early today to dial into a webinar...in French!"

My body is weary but the mind is reeling.  On my way to work today, I stumbled across a radio broadcast that I could not, at first, discern the topic.  As the time passed, second by second, it came to light.  They had a woman on the phone who had been engaged 4 times!  Not only that, but she never married any of them!  AND....she was dating No. 5 and expecting to be asked.  What further ruffled the hosts and my feathers, as I am sure a few other listeners, was that the woman had never, EVER, given any ring back.  She kept them...

All of them!

Now, raise your hand if the person you are with would appreciate you holding on to a symbol of everlasting commitment from another person.  Anyone...

Anyone at all...

No?

Case in point.  I know my fiancé was not thrilled when we began out relationship to think that I had just keep sakes and cards from my exes.  I had never been engaged to anyone!  But I can also understand.  There are things that bothered me that he took care of, just as I did.  But that's respect.  Something I have a high quantity of, as does my fiancé.  For myself and for each other. 

Now, perhaps you can argue this woman (also named Laura, I am ashamed) has a great deal of self-respect and confidence.  I should say so because she said that unless this Guy No. 5 has something fantastic planned...she will say no!

Are we becoming desensitised to emotion and excitement?  Can you get a high from proposals?  I think this story shows just that.  We become so enraptured in the emotions and the nature of the event that sometimes, we lose sight of what that event truly means.  In each case, she said she concluded that these were not her ideal men.  But perhaps, they gave the ideal proposal?

This goes for everything.  We even take things for granted, to our loss.  The love you feel with your significant other?  Hold on to it, nurture it, tend to it.  If you don't, you could lose it quickly.  What is here today isn't guaranteed tomorrow.  Just like Life.  In an instant, everything precious you value could be ripped from your possession.  And what will you have left?  Will you have Love?  Respect?  Intellect?  Ideals?  Morals? 

Will you have Faith?

When I started on this journey, I wrote down a myriad of topics and ideas to write about.  But as time began to pass, I realized that I could draw more from what Life gives me.  Sure, in the beginning they were planned, carefully executed and I am sure I will draw from my list from time to time.  I will talk about books I read and things I hear.  However, who can beat talking about what you experience?

I hope you are enjoying my thoughts, whoever you may be.  Perhaps you have an idea you want me to discuss or divulge my thoughts on.  Please, let me know.  I am always willing to learn and share my perceptions.  Afterall...perception is reality.  Until tomorrow and hopefully not as late of an hour, I hope you enjoy a thing called, "La Vie."