The Road For Which I am Meant

A few days ago, I wrote about a dream I had.  I described it in as much detail as I was able to remember.  I also shared what my fiancé, who has a calling to the ministry, thought the dream meant.  In case you have forgotten and do not want to look back on an old post, the gist of it was this: I had come across an insurmountable hill on my bicycle and started sliding backwards.  Suddenly, it felt as though a hand was pushing me, without any assistance from my own pedaling.  I found myself on top of a beautiful mountain, a place where no one else could ever reach.  My fiancé shared with me that he felt it was God's way of telling me that He would always help me overcome, no matter what lies in my wake.

Yesterday afternoon, while I was on my way home from work, I began to think about my faith, God and the seemingly insurmountable objects I had conquered.  And a specific time came to mind. 

I moved to Virginia on November 30th, 2012 and began work at my place place of employment on the 3rd of December, 2012.  This is officially my first time ever moving out of my parents' home (not counting college, naturally) and my first time ever living with a boyfriend.  Work was progressing nicely and I was getting positive feedback all around from co-workers and clients alike.  Approximately 2-3 weeks into my new job, something happened that scared me.  This is about mid-December.  I work alternating weeks.  One week, I will work 9-6 (early), next week, I will work 12- 9 (late), and I work every Wednesday late.  It was a week I was working the late shift and I was coming home.  I was on the phone with my then-boyfriend, now fiancé, talking about my day.  I was driving in the right lane.  Suddenly, out of no where, a deer came darting from left to right and a collision occurred.

The deer got away but I felt as though the breath was stolen from my chest.  My poor fiancé was on the phone, the line quiet, possibly only hearing the heavy breathing being exhaled from my tightened chest.  He began to panic, I heard the concern in his voice.  I pulled over, I got out, still on the phone, and I walked around my car. 

The damage seemed cosmetic.  It was still functioning, just not pretty.  I got home and fiancé came out and looked over the car.  The only thing left to prove the existence of the deer was the fur it left, caught in the buckled hood of my first car.  We took pictures, I wrote my insurance agent and the recovery process began.

As soon as I got the go ahead to take it into a shop, I did.  They immediately put me into a rental car, saying the car was illegal to drive with the broken headlight (the lamp itself was still operational).  A few days later, I was told my car was a total loss.  The repairs would be too much to warrant the repair.  It was more than cosmetic.  I now had about 5 days to find a replacement.

I was scared.  I was afraid.  I wasn't prepared to make such a purchase.  Could I afford it?  I had student loans, I was living in a new place, I had a farther commute.

I don't know what happened or how it happened, I think I put a post out on Facebook about my plight.  My middle sister (who works part-time at a dealership) calls me. "We have a car here that is really nice.  It was just put on the lot.  You need to look at it.  I will send you the paperwork."

I did all the paperwork.  She calls me back, "They are asking about a car loan.  Did you co-sign your boyfriend's car?  You need to call and talk to them."  So I did.  I explained that the car in the accident was not the car I had just signed on a loan for.  I had to help my boyfriend.  He would have done it for me.

That Saturday, we went to the dealership to discuss the car and what the price might be per month.  I was cringing.  I was so concerned I wouldn't be able to afford it.  But I needed a car.  Christmas was next week!  I walk in and my sister was sitting in the receptionist chair:

"I am so jealous of you!  Wait until you hear your car payment!"

There were gentlemen around her.  One of them looked up and said, "I got your car payment to under $200.  That includes every insurance you can have on a vehicle."

I was shocked.  Something I could afford.  Something that wouldn't break the bank.  And a car that felt like a luxury car to me.  OK, so the electric locks don't work on the driver's door.  And the CD player went ca-put.  But it drives. 

I was thinking yesterday about how God must have had a hand in that intervention.  I was in a dark hour of despair.  I don't recall muttering a prayer for help but I very well may have.  But irregardless, He was there when I needed it.

The situation was very odd.  My fiancé told me then I should have driven in the left lane.  I told him it came from the left so that would have resulted in more damage.  My mom tells me it was a force of hand, but that I am fortunate to have found such a great deal.  My dad thought I got a good vehicle for the circumstances.  The very next day, I was engaged. 

I won't ever fully understand why things happen as they do.  It isn't my place to understand the phenomenon in life.  But acknowledging the significance of that occurrence in my life is a big step for me.  It is admitting that whether I acknowledged Him or not, He never stopped looking out for me.  If I reflect further back, I can see it throughout my life.  I am a very trusting person, which has its place.  But I put myself in some dangerous situations.  However, I always overcame the obstacles.  That's why I can enjoy a thing called, "La Vie."

Snow-Covered Dream

This weekend has been wild and the weather matched it to a T.  My fiancé and I woke on Sunday morning to a dreary day, planning to travel to Roanoke, VA to have a birthday celebration with one of his cousins.  Not even an hour later, I look out the window and snow was falling in heavy flakes onto the ground.  The world began to look colder.  We hurried to get to church only to find that services had been cancelled.  The birthday party was frozen, much as the world around us.  We decided to venture there, anyways, to visit his parents.

We had a glorious time.  I love my future in-laws greatly.  But the snow kept worrying me to no end.  What if we can't get out, I think.  What if I can't get to work?  What then?  My fiancé tried with all his might to calm me, but to no avail.  I had swung into a mini panic attack...OVER WORK!

I told him he wouldn't understand and I truly don't think he ever would.  How do you explain to someone that missing work is giving you a panic and anxiety attack?  That you feel your duty to your place of employment so strongly that it makes you feel sick to miss it.  Or how even when you are sick, you try everything in your will to get there or last there.  We got home safely and I am sitting in my pod, safely.  No worries, no anxiety.

Work seems to be like a constant in my life.  My father taught me a strong work ethic.  You look and ask for work if you don't have anything to do.  That is called job security.  When you have questions about things, you learn about it until you can't understand and then you ask for help.  That is called ambition.  Did my learning such a strong and powerful ethic cause me to go too extreme?

My fiancé would tell you that I am a worry wart.  Shoot, I would confess to that as well!  I worry constantly.  And yet, I tell the people around me to not worry about things they have no feasible control over.  So why can't I embrace that as well?

Saturday night, I had an interesting dream.  I was biking on a path and people were constantly biking around me.  I was moving slowly, but it was hilly as well.  And the hills got steeper and steeper until I finally reached a hill that was insurmountable on my own accord.  I felt myself rolling back and closed my eyes.  All of a sudden, I felt something pushing me up.  I was not peddling or using any of my own force.  I found myself at the top of the hill.  Furthermore, the top of that hill turned out to be the top of a mountain where no one else could reach.  I stopped there and gazed out in this view that no one else could or would ever witness and gasped.  I could see from shore to shore, boats in the harbor and houses in the villages around me.  I took pictures, inhaling the air and feeling the warm breeze.

Then, I woke up.

When I told my fiancé, he interpreted it the same way I did.  Perhaps it is God's way of telling me that nothing is insurmountable if I trust.  And I know I have a hard time trusting Him sometimes.  I worry and fret when truly, there is no reason.  If it is in His hands, He will find a way.  Maybe not now, not tomorrow or not for several years.  But it will happen...in His time.  But, until my time or your time comes to discover what is the answer, enjoy a thing called, "La Vie."