Like VS Love

How do you define the difference of the above terms? I have often heard people say "I will always Love you but I may not always Like you." What does this mean when someone says this? And which one can be more hurtful, more detrimental to us as human beings?

Let us first examine the difference of the two terms. When you Like someone, it can be platonic or something pedestrian. Like can be when you see someone from across the room or between friends. When you Love someone, it tends to run deeper and can be unconditional in terms of how parents may Love a child. Love can also cause us to forgive and embrace things about those ones we Love that we may not appreciate in those people that we Like.

See the difference?

I can Love my sisters unconditionally and Love them through anything they go through and support them. But there are times that they can make me mad and make me not Like them or the things they are doing, rather. But I can never say I stop Loving them. The same goes for those individuals who may have to watch someone they Love go through rehab or a painful experience. In this instance, they not so much disLike the person, but more the thing that is taking the person they Love away.

But which can be more painful?

I was thinking about this tonight. I began to contemplate asking my husband this questions:

"Do you Like me?"

With thinking about this question, I began to roll into my mind what my reaction may be to any response he could pose to me. If he told me he didn't Like me, he Loves me, I would have to clarify my question. If he were to tell me that he Loves me always but not always Likes me, it kind of stings. This is someone who is my friend and partner for life. Who wants to hear that their best friend only Likes us, "some of the time?"

Then again, if he were to tell me that he only Loves me "some of the time," this would almost hurt as much. It would lead me to believe that while he Likes being with me and around me, he does not see it as unconditional at that point in time. Almost like having that awkward conversation at the beginning of the relationship (teenager asking, "Why do not tell me you Love me?").

My husband and I just discussed this and he said, "To Love and be Loved is a blessing." Such a blessing it is. As Christians, we are taught that God Loves us unconditionally, that no matter the turns from Him we may make, He will always pick us up from the pile we create and help us back to the path. Much like the story of the prodigal son. This young man took his share of his father's inheritance and squandered it on pleasures of the flesh, food, wine, gambling, etc. He was left to lie with the pigs, thinking about how his father's servants were treated better and at least in a warm room. He decides to return home and beg forgiveness of his father and to be a servant in his house. But his father, seeing him, rejoices in his return and orders a large celebration. Seeing his younger brother being lavished over, the older brother asks his father why. His father immediately explained that his son had returned to life for he once was dead.

Such is the love of God. We can run away from everything we know, everything we raised up with. But we cannot run away from the Love He holds for us. And each time we come back and request to be a servant in His household, He holds a party for the child He though was dead has returned to life. And it is the children like that who needs the Love more than most.

If you had to choose a difference between the two, which would you rather be told? That you are Liked or you are Loved? Just some food for thought in this thing called, "La Vie."

Landmark Numbers and Everyday Heroes

Wow!  I can't believe we are here already!!

First of all, a hearty and big THANK YOU to all of you reading this post!  When I opened my blog this morning, I found I had reached 1000 page views!  It seems like a few weeks ago when I had gotten to 100. It may not seem like much to be excited about but the fact is that you are reading what I have to say and it makes me want to write more.  So thank you.  Also, I encourage you please, if you have ideas or something you want me to write about, send me the suggestion!  I am open to inspiration, no matter the source!

Now, on to today's topic...

It is a tragic and unfortunately, common occurrence in our society today.  Kidnapping.  A crime that makes us all scared and uncomfortable to sleep in our own beds.  The thought that people, strangers, have gotten so brazen to take children out of their beds or front yards in daylight shakes us all to our core.  The fact that parents can kidnap their own child's lives, innocence or dignity scares us as well.  But it is nice to know that even in the midst of darkness, the glimmer of Hope continues to shine forth through the murk.

Recently, three women were rescued from having being kidnapped and presumed dead over the course of ten years, in Cleveland.  The man who reported the discovery of one of the women, Charles Ramsey, made the frantic phone call.  In his interviews, he has shared that the man who kidnapped these women was someone he frequently barbecued with, with whom he talked and quoted him as being someone you wouldn't look twice due to appearance or manner.  But this cordial man had been harboring three women, committing a crime that parents hope they never, ever have to face.

This morning, before I came to write my blog, I was skimming through Facebook and saw a picture of the man with a quote: "I get a paycheck, give the reward to the rescued women."  I read through the caption underneath the picture and admired what he said.  The reasoning?  He said he was just doing the right thing and that doesn't make him a hero.  With doing the right thing, he doesn't deserve a reward.  Instead, give it to the women so they can begin their lives outside of captivity.  From this, how can we define what a hero is  Is doing the right thing being a hero?  Or are heroes the thing of fiction and everyone else is just trying to get by?

Too often, I think that we do things in life, not because it is the right thing but because we think we may get something out of it.  I am guilty of it too.  I may not expect an immediate reward but I often think of it a karma.  OK, I say to myself, if I do this, then eventually someone will help me or something good will happen for me.  Do I always associate my positive energy with something I did in the past?  No!  Perfect example: before I moved in with my fiance, I would drive up every other weekend to spend time with him.  One weekend, I ran over a curb just as I was getting into town and completely decimated my tire.  I mean, it was flat, flat, no salvaging there!  I managed to get my car to limp to a gas station where I sat for about 15 minutes, tire iron in hand, waiting for my then-boyfriend (now fiance) and his son come help me.  While standing there, not a single, solitary person stopped to ask me if I needed help or if something was wrong.  And several people walked by me while I was trying to take the lug nuts off!

The truth is, whatever we do in life we should do without expecting reward.  If we expect something in return, how can the action be pure of heart?  I can understand helping a stranded motorist with the hopes someone would stop for you but overall, we shouldn't expect anything.  As human beings, we need to be willing to assist and come to the aid of our fellow man without any strings attached.  Once we do something without expecting anything, it comes free of burden, of downfall, of anything that would take away from what that action means.  We need to become volunteers in life.  Volunteering to help people in any and all situations where we can offer assistance and not ask for any form of repayment.  To help simply because we want and need to help.

While the rain falls and patters gently against my window pane or perhaps the sun is streaming through your curtains, remain still for a moment.  Listen to the world around you.  I sit here writing this blog with our little dog, Molly, cuddled next to me.  The birds are singing into the window.  I feel so at peace with the world and ready for the day.  A day and a job where I help people all day long.  And then home for a quiet night with my fiance, my little dog and serenity.  Enjoy this day, be glad and remember to help your fellow man in this thing called, "La Vie."

Brick by Brick

Last night, my fiancé and I had just finished dinner and we were enjoying watching TV.  I told him I had sent him an email about a house I had seen online.  From there, we again commenced our quest to finding our future home.  We shared pictures, descriptions and appearances, concerns and excitement.  It was fun to think about of course, especially being two adults living in a 2 BR/1 BA apartment.

Come the morning following an evening such as this, my mind begins to wonder the various loopholes and traps that might be lying in our path.  We have to consider our finances, I tell him.  What about the down payment, the water, insurance, taxes?

In his cool, calm, collected way, he laughs over the phone and reassures me:

We will be okay.  We just have to pray and things will work out.

 

I drive to work thinking about how we are not even yet married and considering buying a home.  Are we putting the cart before the horse?  Or perhaps, are we building our home too fast?  Whenever you look at a home, do you ever think of how long the construction actually took?  Or do you just see a pretty façade and a few potential problems, a money pit or a dream come true?

 

I realized in a past job of mine how often we over look things.  I worked in the sign industry.  You read it right.  I watched sign being built, repaired, conceived, priced and sold.  I remember thinking that I had never thought about how every sign I saw needed to be made.  And made in a certain way!  Later in my job, I had to work in the vinyl department, cutting and laying vinyl for signs.  I learned quickly that you can do things in a certain order to get everything looking pristine or do them how you want and potentially end up with a less than uniform mess.

 

Considering that, are we building our home, our life too fast?  I suppose if we weren't considering the fundamentals of our life together, we would be.  We would be building a shell without having a firm foundation nor a way to fill the walls.  However, I am lucky that my fiancé and I share a lot of the fundamental morals that come into question during any relationship.  Sure we differ in some areas.  But we are two different people and that happens.  My favorite quote about marriage is:

 

Marriage is a perfect union entered into by two imperfect people.

 

So generally, we are similar.  We can say our foundation is poured.  We even have some of the frame work built.  We are experiencing living together, the division of responsibilities and discussions of the financial sorts.  And we are being cautious.  We discussed this morning about sitting down with all the numbers and complying what we think is possible.  This includes bills, loans, possible things in the future, financing of a home and other various items of our household.  So I think the framework is close to being done.

 

To fill a house, to make it a home, it has to be filled to the rafters, to the brim, with Love.  And that Love can come from a variety of different sources.  It should be Love for yourselves as individuals and as a couple, Love from your families and their support, as well as Love in the divine sense.  Whatever your belief system, I am sure you feel an embrace from the world sometimes.  It is time to embrace back.

 

No relationship is ever completely built.  My fiancé and I will be building our relationship until the end of our days (God willing).  And even then, I am sure, if you could ask us if our relationship was completely, I feel we would still tell you it needs work.  This is due to the fact that relationships are not slapped together and left to stand the test of time.  They are a work of art that constantly needs to be updated, perfected and improved upon.  Perhaps one day, I will need to work less and spend more time at home.  Perhaps one day, we will have to work more to have a home.  But it is those intricacies, the salient motion of relationships that not only make it more difficult to maintain, but more rewarding as well. 

 

So as I take you on the journey of building my relationship brick by brick, I hope you enjoy a thing called, "La Vie."



Emotionless

One of my all time favorite books is The Giver by Lois Lowry.  I strongly recommend everyone read this book several times.  Even as I write this, I want to read it again.  This book is along the same lines as George Orwell's 1984, discussing society as if it was something that could be so completely controlled and observed.  In The Giver, you literally were numbed.  A mate, a life partner was selected for you.  Children were birthed by women who would continuously give birth for about 3 years and work hard labor the rest of their life.  Twins could not exist.  Pills were handed out to prevent emotions, arousal and other human interactions.

Here are two quotes from the book"

“I liked the feeling of love,' [Jonas] confessed. He glanced nervously at the speaker on the wall, reassuring himself that no one was listening. 'I wish we still had that,' he whispered. 'Of course,' he added quickly, 'I do understand that it wouldn't work very well. And that it's much better to be organized the way we are now. I can see that it was a dangerous way to live.'"

“What if they were allowed to choose their own mate? And chose wrong?”

Think about what these quotes are illustrating.  In the first quote, the main character, Jonas, is discussing experiencing love for the first time.  He admits to liking it (the speaker represents the every-present ears), but also admits to the impracticality of it within the society.  How love can be a dangerous way to live.  The second quote is similar to that is illustrating how controlled these character's lives are.  Their life mates, emotions, even their careers are selected for them.  There is even a big ceremony at the end of a school year to assign jobs.

In our society, we stress the importance of individuality and personal choice.  Can you imagine a world where that is taken from us...in order to protect us?  Now reflect on the world as it exists.  We are politically correct because people become offended by what we say.  But offense comes from an emotional place.  We connect what someone else says with how we feel when they say it.  This is how emotions become involved.

Think about how you many not be able to talk politics or religion with those around you.  Perhaps it is too emotionally charged for it to be a reasonable, level-headed conversation?  Perhaps you can respect someone else's opinion but doubts your conversation partner can respect yours.  I can see where emotions can be a perceived danger.  However, if we shield emotions from those around us, are we not creating a society not much different from that of the book?  This is why this culture of complacency in our world is dangerous.  If we continue to let others control what happens in our world without our voice being heard, are we not putting our way of life in danger of being destroyed?

I highly recommend, as said in the beginning of this blog, to read The Giver by Lois Lowry.  I believe I will need to find a copy again and re-read it myself.  Books like this hold a good lesson for us.  For now, enjoy a thing called "La Vie."

Having Hope

Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary

Hope (verb):

(intransitive verb)

1: to cherish a desire with anticipation <hopes for a promotion>

2 archaic: trust

 

(transitive verb)

1: to desire with expectation of obtainment

2: to expect with confidence : trust

 

Hope (noun):

 

1 archaic: trust, reliance

2 a: desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment <came in hopes of seeing you>;   also: expectation of fulfillment or success <no hope of a cure>

   b: someone or something on which hopes are centered <our only hope for victory>

   c: something hoped for

 

...Hope...

What is it?  What does it mean to you....to me...to our society?

As shown by the definitions provided, hope can act as two different parts of the sentence.  It can both be a noun and a verb.  That verb can be transitive (meaning it is an action on a third object) or intransitive (meaning it is impressed on ourselves).  With so many definitions, what does hope mean to us?

As children, we all had hope.  Remember hoping Santa would come down the chimney and flood the house with presents from top to bottom?  Remember on your birthday maybe going to bed with jitters in your stomach, hoping for that one thing you just couldn't live without?  Even as we started growing older, the hope still held on to us.  Hope for good grades, for a part in a school play or show, to make a sports team.  So....

where did all that hope go????

I think the more we become consciously aware of our personal impact on our lives, the less hope we have.  We begin to try and control outcomes, as opposed to hoping for them.  Hope is for those who don't have control, we might imagine.  But what if hope is exactly what we are missing in our lives?

 

I have noticed that I don't get too excited over things anymore.  Christmas isn't near as thrilling as it was when I was, say 6.  But is that because Christmas changed or because I changed my outlook on life and lost a bit of that child-like hope?

 

Remember Jim Carrey in How the Grinch Stole Christmas?  And Cindy Lou Who was trying to find her place.  She sang a song that read, "Where are you Christmas?/ Why can't I find you?/ Why have you gone away?/ My world is changing,/ I'm rearranging/ Does that mean Christmas changes too?"

 

Does it?  I think we all know the answer.  Christmas doesn't change but we change as adults and that impacts the world as we know it.  We lose the magic, the spark, the Hope that Christmas possess and entrances children with.  I know I miss having that.  It goes back to the Trust that children have that I wrote about a few days ago.  We lose Trust in our child-like whims and pleasures and think we will be OK without these things.  However, I believe we all need a little bit of Hope in our lives.

 

The changed necessary to bring hope back into the main picture will be monumental.  Those changes take time.  Hope now has to be replanted into society where it was so viciously uprooted and casted aside for better things, such as modernization.

 

But I know one thing I lost hope in was in my faith and belief system.  Now, I know not everyone is religious but maybe your belief system you lost hope in was yourself.  I know I lost hope in myself too.  It is a dark and desolate place, I wouldn't wish my enemies there even.  I have to replant that seed, replant Hope into my life.  I want to have hope for my family, my siblings, my loved ones and someday, my children.  I want to be able to get excited for them, with them and celebrate their hope.  It is difficult to do without having a bit of hope yourself, no?

 

I invite you to sit down and think about the last time you felt Hope.  I know I felt it faintly every time I applied for a job before I am at my current employer.  I felt Hope when my fiancé first started talking to me.  But I gave up on it.  Case in point: the day I started talking to the man who is now my fiancé, I told my mom that it would never work.  Despite my exposure to my parents' fairytale story, I told her that no one my age wants to work at long distance (he was in Virginia, I was in North Carolina).  That is is a diseas of our times. 

 

I didn't have hope....at a time when I should

have possessed it the most.....

Look at us now!

 

Hope and the ability to hope needs to be relearned.  Think about what brings you hope.  Recreate the moment.  I know it is something I need to do.  Right now, I am hoping to have a good time tomorrow with my fiancé on our first day date in a while.  I can't wait.  Until next time, enjoy this little thing...a thing called, "La Vie."



Finding Faith

Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary

Faith (n.):

1 a: allegiance to duty or a person : loyalty

   b (1): fidelity to one's promises       (2): sincerity of intentions

 

2 a (1): belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2): belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion

   b (1): firm belief in something for which there is no proof       (2): complete trust

 

I invite you to review the definitions of Faith provided by Merriam-Webster Online.  Reflect that the first definition, a more secular one, is geared more towards our interactions as men and women of this Earth.  Notice it is defined as a loyalty to a duty or a person.  Thus why we say such things as, "I have faith in you."

 

Reflect, now, on the second definition.  This is clearly the more religious undertaking of the term, more commonly referred to, not as faith, but as Faith.  The reason I capitalize it is due to the fact that it is referring to an intangible and incomprehensible power.  To God.  It also gives it differentiation in my writings.  I can talk about my faith in others and my Faith in God.  But this is more than reflections of faith and the definition thereof.  This is about finding Faith.

 

As I mentioned in my first entry, I am Catholic.  However, as the majority of people experience, events in my life caused me to pause and turn slightly from my Faith and system of beliefs.  I stopped attending church.  I cried everytime I was there.  The sorrow filled me to the brim and I felt as though my chest was heavy.  I couldn't walk in there.  I felt it was a lie.  I felt misguided and wandering, like in the desert, searching for answers.  All along, I know I should have kept going.  Hindsight is 20/20.  But I was in college.  I had better things to do, right?

 

I knew best.

 

Well, several forks in the road, disastrous turns and other good intentions gone bad, I had come full circle.  I didn't know it yet, of course.  I still felt lost.  Honestly, I can't put my finger on the moment that I came to realize that church was exactly where I needed to be.  I know when I met my fiancé, I initially rebuked church, saying I could be OK on my own.  Finally, we went to the church he attended at that time and I succumbed to tears.  It was around Mother's Day, I believe.  I don't know what song it was or how it came to pass, but I cried.  And I needed to cry.

 

Too long, I had held back my emotions.  The hurt, pain, tears, fears and everything that held me back.  I had been bottled, capped and set on a shelf until that point of expiration.  And I exploded.

 

I know that day, the pastor made us seek another place to worship.  His words were not of the Christian spirit in our hearts.  But the service invoked memories in me that had been part of a catalyst to my downward spiral: memories of my Nanna

 

Nanna, my maternal grandmother, was a remarkable woman.  I remember coming home from elementary school and going to the apartment my family had built for her joining our home.  Three steps separated our house and hers.  Three steps and a laundry room.  I loved hearing stories of my grandfather, who passes away before my birth.  To see his metals from World War 2 and to talk to her about her experiences.  But most of all, I think about the Bible she gave me.  And the inscription she wrote on the inside page.  Although I do not currently remember verbatim and do not have it with me for easy reference, it encouraged me to continue my walk with Christ.

 

The spring of my Junior year in high school, we moved.  I changed high schools.  I put on a brave face.  And it didn't leave for years.  During that summer, my dad had taken me and my two younger sisters to the beach.  Mom called, urging us home.  Nanna was slipping from us.  The day my mom came home and told me Nanna had passed caused my world to crumble.  Although she told all of us there was an enormous amount of peace following her last breath, I was immediately lost.  In the span of 4 months, approximately, I felt as though I had lost my home and a piece of my world.

 

I didn't cry at her funeral.  I told myself I couldn't.  They played my favorite hymn, "On Eagle's Wings," yet not a tear escaped me.  This is what she would want, I lied to myself.  I didn't mourn, truthfully mourn, her death until about the beginning or a little before 2012.

 

My fiancé has started to bring me back to center.  My family, now more than ever, is my rock.  They have always been there but I have been too blind and lost to see them at the end of my nose.  The day I began mourning for my Nanna was the day I could begin to heal.  To begin to forgive all those who had trespassed against me and who I had trespassed.  To forgive myself for the years of hurt and affliction I had put myself through.  Am I better?  No.  Even to this day, the hate that had consumed me for years still comes boiling over.  On those days, even the sun can't make me come from the shadows.  On those days, I know I am not myself.  But in healing, we must still hurt.  And this is a healing that is more than physical or mental.  It is also emotional and spiritual.  Not only must I mend the relationships between me and the people I know on Earth, but mend the relationship I had lost with God.  I have to have both faith and Faith.

 

I continue to search for the complete inner peace that we all want ultimately.  I know I will find it.  It may take some deep soul searching and consideration, but it is possible.  And this blog is a part of that.  I think it will help me find some of my inner peace I know I need.  And so, I continue my journey of finding Faith and faith.  I will have more to write tomorrow.  Enjoy a thing called "La Vie."