As You Like It

In his play As You Like It, Shakespeare writes a monologue in which two lines are well-known by the world:

 

"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players."

Today, this came to mind and I took the metaphor to heart.  Day in and day out, I work with people in my peer group who become complacent in the roles they are in.  Yet, they do nothing to propel themselves or change their destiny.  For example, if you are not happy in your job, why are you not looking into how you can become happy or change positions?

I too was complacent at one point.  I found it too difficult to work towards changing things that don't ever seem to stay changed.  I finally decided to put my head down and accept the hardships as things not meant for me.  I read a wonderful picture recently which referred to Abraham Lincoln.  One of the most memorable presidents who had ran for political office repeatedly and failed every time until he was elected President of the United States.

We learn a lot through our failures.  We learn what no to do, but more importantly, we learn to persevere.  Today, I thought of a way to add on to the words of Mr. Shakespeare: In this case, our decisions are our props.  Only good actors know how to effectively use them.  We are all given choices in life.  If we do not work to make choices that will benefit us or accept the bad decisions we have made, we cannot change our path.

Another short one but one does not need to be long winded to express a point.  Embrace life, its successes and failures, its rights and wrongs.  More importantly, remember to not give up on the journey because that's the most exciting part.  Don't miss the ride or the destination won't mean as much.

What Voice Lessons Taught me about Life

In our modern society, our primal instincts have lost their purpose.  We no longer have to call out to our hunting party or communicate pain to our family in the distance.  We are taught to suppress these instincts in all aspects of our lives.  What if I told you, however, that you still enjoy those primal instincts on possibly a daily basis?  You dance to them, participate in them and measure the span of time with them.

What could I possibly be talking about?  Singing.  Singing all comes from a primal instinct within ourselves.  Please allow me to explain further.

In my last few years of college, I had the opportunity to take voice lessons with Judith Burbank.  She is a soprano who has performed a wide-range of repertoire all over the world in various venues and orchestral groups.  I was nervous, apprehensive and all around scared my first time walking into the classroom, which is her office.  What I found was a world of exploration and understanding of myself and music that I never thought I would experience.

Judith Burbank, alumni picture
Wittenburg University

The requirements: bring a CD with you every class to record your lessons, practice when you have a chance and always be prepared.  Prepared for what?  For the truth.  And Ms. Burbank was brutally honest but not without fault.  She taught me that singing comes from those primal instincts.  Each stage of the vocal scale could directly relate to an audible emotion.  The moan, groan, sigh, call, talk, scream....all of them can relate to a point in your voice.  Not only did Ms. Burbank teach me about how I still carry those primal instincts with me every day.  She taught me things about life.

Proper posture is essential for the best sound.  This was something that never escaped the watchful eye of my voice teacher.  "Stick your chest out!" she would say.  "If you don't like how you look, change it.  But be proud of what you have now."  Lesson one: Stand with confidence and do not be ashamed of your appearance.  The only thing that matters is how you carry yourself.

During warm up lessons, Ms. Burbank would have me stand in front of a mirror.  She would instruct, "Drop your jaw, let the sound come naturally without restriction."  I would stand in front of a mirror and watch past the talk of my voice as the back part of my lower jaw would drop, causing a deeper and warmer sound to come.  Lesson two: Do not be afraid to open your mouth and share your thoughts.  Everything you have to say matters, no matter how deep you have to dig to share it.

When I reached the top of my voice, Ms. Burbank would have imagery to help you root and grow your sound at the same time.  "Have a string that extends from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet.  And from your head, can a C-shape coming out and going back, like you have a big open space in your head," she would explain (I know, it may sound crazy.  But trust me, she knows her stuff!)  Lesson three:  Remember your roots and use them when you want to soar.  You should always have a place to return back to.

Every week, when I walked into the office, I would dread the question I always knew was coming.  As I set my things down, listened to the end of the singer before me and set my CD to record, those words would finally reach my ears: "Did you practice this week?"  Oh how I dreaded these words!  Even as a violin student, practicing was so difficult for me.  But it too taught me a valuable lesson.  Lesson four: If you aren't willing to work toward the things you want in life, you won't reach your full potential.  We have to be willing to practice any time possible.

Were voice lessons difficult?  Yes, it was a challenge.  Basically, you are told the way your were singing has not be correct, but let me show you the way to get an amazing sound.  And what a result!  After my first semester of voice lessons, I had a solo that opened the Christmas concert for the Lenoir-Rhyne A Capella Choir, a group of which I was a part.  I got to sing these words:

They say God loved the world so dear

He set aside his crown

And cloaked Himself in human flesh

They say He came on down

And dwelt a while among us here

He came on down.

Remember, no matter how dark things seem, there is always a
lighthouse to help guide you.

I loved it.  I was nervous and I know it came out in my voice.  But those few moments, by myself, opening the entire performance, followed by the procession of the rest of the choir into the church, were amazing!  And I was well rewarded.  My mom, following the performance, told me that I had a completely different and more developed sound to my voice and urged me to convey her amazement to my voice teacher.  Ms. Burbank merely smiled and nodded, as though to say, "You had it in you the whole time.  All I had to do was help you release it."

Patience is a Virtue

Patience (n):

1. The capacity, habit or fact of being patient (bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint)

Patience is something that we as people have always struggled with.  This is exacerbated by the fact that our society is an instantaneous one.  We want what we want now.  The irony of the JG Wentworth commercial (It's my money, I need it now!).  You may think what is wrong with this mindset?  We work hard, why shouldn't we expect something in return?  And we should get that reward immediately!  Yet "Patience is a virtue," and "Good things come to those who wait" have echoed my childhood and follow me into adulthood, as well.

A couple of days ago, I happened to catch "Sex and the City" on TV.  It was one of the final episodes.  You know, the one right before the movie?  In this episode, Charlotte and her husband (Harry, I think?) are trying to adopt a baby.  They thought they would have a child from a couple in Charlotte, NC.  However, once the couple got to New York, they revealed they changed their mind.  At the end of the episode, Harry comes in the door and says that he has something from China too (Charlotte said she got Chinese).  "They are giving us a baby," he said.

Cast of Sex and the City

"How?" Charlotte replies, puzzled.

"I guess God remembered our address," Harry says, smiling.  He holds up a picture, "And here she is."

All throughout the beginning of this episode, this couple was agonizing over the lack of having a child to adopt.  It proves to be a difficult process to endure, leading them to almost give up hope.  But with patience, they were blessed with the adoption of the little girl from China.  

The most annoying thing I have heard is that things don't happen in our time, it happens in God's time.  It always frustrates me.  I can't see the plan, I don't know where He is leading me, how can I trust so blindly and have patience in something I don't even understand?  That is why it is a virtue (a conformity to a standard of right; morality).

I wish I had more patience.  I wish I had more understanding of waiting and why the reason to wait.  I wish I didn't stress as much or handled it in a better way.  There are a lot of things I wish I could better myself with.  But I can only work at one thing at a time.  What better time to start than today?

....Or tomorrow....tomorrow may be better.  Hey, I didn't say procrastination wasn't a problem either!

Learning from Loss

Leap forward five hours in time and you will come across the shores of Ireland.  On this day, St. Patrick is said to have driven the snakes out of Ireland.  On this day, Ireland is celebrating the feast day of its patron saint.  From the Cliffs of Mohr to the shores of County Galway, the country is enjoying a day of celebrating with loved ones and neighbors.  While we as Americans dye rivers green and our beer green too, the people of Ireland need only go out into a field and see the green laid out before them.  I am so proud to call myself Irish.  On this day, my blood runs green.  So I begin this post saying, "Happy St. Patrick's Day!"

I mentioned briefly last night about the parade my fiance and I and his son attended.  I also told you that the topic of today's post had three legs....did anyone figure it out?

Let's see....

Yesterday, in the Raleigh parade for St. Patrick's Day, there were several animal rescue groups dedicated to certain breeds of dogs.  There were the Irish wolfhounds (my favorite, I want one of those gentle giants!), greyhounds, German shepherds, pit bulls and much, much more!  In a few of the groups, I noticed a dog that made my think.  These dogs had three legs!  Now I am certain you have all heard stories.  An animal loses the use of its limb and adapts its lifestyle accordingly.  I remember watching one little kitten who was born with deformed back legs, both of them.  This little kitten got around by, literally, picking its hind legs off the ground into a hand-stand and walking that way!  I have seen dogs with two legs, both of them on the same side of the body, and the dog is still able to run and play.  He stands up by leaning against a tree, for example.

How is it that these animals do not realize their limb is gone?  Whenever we, as people, lose the use of a limb, whether temporarily or permanently, we mourn for a little bit.  We are slow to adapt but quick to mourn.  I began to think about our ability to adapt in other aspects of our life.  When we suffer a loss, how can we adapt to a point where it is like it never happened at all?

When we lose a loved one, we are force to handle the death through the funeral and spending time with the surviving family.  It still takes time to recover from a loss such as this, to begin moving forward again.  But what about other losses?  We have to adapt to change in our life, no matter what aspect.  But I think we have to also remember what we lost.  Unlike animals forgetting they had the limb, any piece of us that we lose, we have to remember it was once there.  We learn from loss.  If you lose a friend, you learn how to better keep the next one.  When we lose a little bit of faith, we have to learn how to get it back and keep it.  We can learn a lot from animals but have to remember what makes us human as well.  Loss is painful and can cause us a lot of strive in our life.  But loss is also the way we grow as people.  When large losses occur in the world, such as the Holocaust, we are more hard pressed to prevent something like that from happening ever again.  It causes social change in the world and society, as well as the immortality of that loss.

Loss cannot be ignored, although we try to.  I believe our mourning to be the process of trying to forget when we really should be embracing the loss and learning from it.  I know it is hard.  I have gone down this path several times, in several ways.  Although I try to forget the loss, I eventually come to realize that it can help me move forward.

I hope everyone enjoys their St. Patrick's Day.  Please be safe.  Don't drink and drive.  Most importantly, enjoy and embrace everyone around you.  You never know when you might experience a loss but it is better to enjoy the time you have rather than stew on the potential future.  Until then, enjoy St. Patrick's Day.  Here, it is gloomy and rainy, fitting for an Irish celebration, and the best kind of sunscreen!  Please enjoy a thing called, "La Vie."

Brick by Brick

Last night, my fiancé and I had just finished dinner and we were enjoying watching TV.  I told him I had sent him an email about a house I had seen online.  From there, we again commenced our quest to finding our future home.  We shared pictures, descriptions and appearances, concerns and excitement.  It was fun to think about of course, especially being two adults living in a 2 BR/1 BA apartment.

Come the morning following an evening such as this, my mind begins to wonder the various loopholes and traps that might be lying in our path.  We have to consider our finances, I tell him.  What about the down payment, the water, insurance, taxes?

In his cool, calm, collected way, he laughs over the phone and reassures me:

We will be okay.  We just have to pray and things will work out.

 

I drive to work thinking about how we are not even yet married and considering buying a home.  Are we putting the cart before the horse?  Or perhaps, are we building our home too fast?  Whenever you look at a home, do you ever think of how long the construction actually took?  Or do you just see a pretty façade and a few potential problems, a money pit or a dream come true?

 

I realized in a past job of mine how often we over look things.  I worked in the sign industry.  You read it right.  I watched sign being built, repaired, conceived, priced and sold.  I remember thinking that I had never thought about how every sign I saw needed to be made.  And made in a certain way!  Later in my job, I had to work in the vinyl department, cutting and laying vinyl for signs.  I learned quickly that you can do things in a certain order to get everything looking pristine or do them how you want and potentially end up with a less than uniform mess.

 

Considering that, are we building our home, our life too fast?  I suppose if we weren't considering the fundamentals of our life together, we would be.  We would be building a shell without having a firm foundation nor a way to fill the walls.  However, I am lucky that my fiancé and I share a lot of the fundamental morals that come into question during any relationship.  Sure we differ in some areas.  But we are two different people and that happens.  My favorite quote about marriage is:

 

Marriage is a perfect union entered into by two imperfect people.

 

So generally, we are similar.  We can say our foundation is poured.  We even have some of the frame work built.  We are experiencing living together, the division of responsibilities and discussions of the financial sorts.  And we are being cautious.  We discussed this morning about sitting down with all the numbers and complying what we think is possible.  This includes bills, loans, possible things in the future, financing of a home and other various items of our household.  So I think the framework is close to being done.

 

To fill a house, to make it a home, it has to be filled to the rafters, to the brim, with Love.  And that Love can come from a variety of different sources.  It should be Love for yourselves as individuals and as a couple, Love from your families and their support, as well as Love in the divine sense.  Whatever your belief system, I am sure you feel an embrace from the world sometimes.  It is time to embrace back.

 

No relationship is ever completely built.  My fiancé and I will be building our relationship until the end of our days (God willing).  And even then, I am sure, if you could ask us if our relationship was completely, I feel we would still tell you it needs work.  This is due to the fact that relationships are not slapped together and left to stand the test of time.  They are a work of art that constantly needs to be updated, perfected and improved upon.  Perhaps one day, I will need to work less and spend more time at home.  Perhaps one day, we will have to work more to have a home.  But it is those intricacies, the salient motion of relationships that not only make it more difficult to maintain, but more rewarding as well. 

 

So as I take you on the journey of building my relationship brick by brick, I hope you enjoy a thing called, "La Vie."



Narrowly Avoiding Disaster

Every morning, when I drive to work, I pass by some beautiful landscape. There is a huge farm that I can always see to my right, followed by different properties that make anyone ready to settle down. It can also prove to be distracting. Along my route this morning, I spotted a crow in the middle of the road. As we know, most birds fly off as soon as a car comes near. But never a crow. If you watch, they take their time.

My little crow this morning literally took three steps and then two hops...to simply get into the other lane! Although he was safe from me and the vehicle immediately behind me, he was lying in the wake of a vehicle too far for him to notice. Seeing this caused me to think about how much we can be like crows. We do just enough to step out of immediate harm's way, only to not foresee the danger coming up fast behind us.

Are we simply dancing in the road, teasing those potential dangers as a matador would a bull? Why do we do this to ourselves?

I spent the rest of my drive trying to consider what situations I may have narrowly avoided, only to put myself in the wake of something bigger. A good analogy would be scenarios from when I was in school. I commonly could skate through classes with minimal studying required on my part. I would pass each test, but never without sweating it out (not a good test taker, mind you). Needless to say, when the final, comprehensive test came along, I realized I had narrowly avoided immediate danger to only place myself in a more precarious situation. The same can be said for how I often would write papers. My final year in college, I wrote the bulk of my final papers the night before they were due. Sure, I wrote outlines and did my research. I even had thorough notes for each one. But that one night was spent in a flurry of desperate activity, mad I procrastinated.

I had done minimal work for minimal reward in each situation. While the immediate reward was great, it left me with something more monumental to consider later in the year. This does not simply apply to school work, either. There can be circumstances in work, personal life, relationships, even your Faith where this can be demonstrated.

For example, at work, you take each day as it comes, setting up the files and having them on hand. Then, suddenly, your superior wants a full, comprehensive document you created with all the values inputted from the time of conception. If you were only taking it day-by-day, you may not have entered every value necessary.

In relationships, this is commonly known as "too little, too late." Have you ever talked to a friend who tells you they didn't realize it until it was too late that their love was gone? Bruno Mars just had a song come out that capitalizes on this situation:

(Chorus)

Hmmm too young, too dumb to realize
That I should have bought you flowers and held your hand
Should have gave you all my hours when I had the chance
Take you to every party cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby is dancing, but she's dancing with another man.

We get as much as we give. If we do the bare minimum in our lives to get by, can we truly say we are living life to the fullest? Instead of buying that diamond for your significant other when it's too late, why not do little things to reinforce how much you value that person? I know I try to do this with my fiancé. It isn't always perfect and doesn't always work out. But hopefully he knows from my efforts that I love him.

He does the same for me. One night, when it was snowing and I worked late, I came out to my car. It was encased in ice, about a quarter inch thick! I turned the key in my door and pulled hard, almost falling on the ice around my car. And what was inside, but an ice scraper and a note from my fiancé telling me that he can't wait to see me and to be careful driving home. No diamond. No riches. Just his emotions and love written in a note and shown in an ice scraper.

So the next time you are faced with this scenario in any situation in life, why not avoid moving into the next lane like the crow and fly out of the road instead? Take proactive measures to anything. Believe me, I need to take my own advice! Instead of narrowly avoiding disaster, why not take steps to stay out of harm’s way? So please, don't play in the streets and enjoy a thing called, "La Vie."

Discovering Love...Again

Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary

Love (noun):


1 a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties
      (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers
      (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests
 
    b : an assurance of affection


4 a : unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another:
   as (1) : the fatherly concern of God for humankind
       (2) : brotherly concern for others

   b : a person's adoration of God

This may be the hardest thing to write.  One of them, at least.  To really explain my outlook on love and Love, I have to explain my experiences from Love.  This gives you, the reader, an opportunity to explore how I came to my viewpoint currently.

Currently, I am in love with an amazing man, engaged to be married and enjoying life each day as it comes.  But if you were to meet me in my freshman year of college, this girl did not exist.  This girl had yet to be discovered.

I had typical experiences in high school.  I had "boyfriends" but didn't kiss anyone until I was 17.  The boy that I kisses (that was outside of preschool, mind you.  I don't count that) was a gentleman.  We had a lot of good times.  Unfortunately, we met 2 weeks before I had to move away with my family.  Before then, love had played cruel games on me.  I was teased, picked on, lead on and told I was only fit to marry, but never date.  After the move, the relationship lasted only to the end of May, perhaps early June.  That was the last good relationship I would know in approximately 2 years.

My grandmother passed away and plunged into a downward spiral.  I was used and tossed aside like a rag doll.  I won't go into detail now, perhaps another time.  One story at a time, like the 40 Arabian Nights.  I had extremely low self-esteem.  I hated the person in the mirror.  I was an object, subjected to the whims and fancy of those around me.  I didn't know what else to do.

December of 2006, I thought things would turn around.  I started talking to a guy on Myspace.  Remember that social media site?  He seemed like a gentleman and we made plans to meet.  I was in college in Hickory, NC and he lived in Gastonia, NC.  I drove to meet him on his turf.  I ignored the red flags.  What could I do?  He wanted me...

The first time I met him, I don't remember much.  The one thing that sticks out in my mind is the fact that he got a letter, addressed to someone else.  He said he couldn't receive mail under his own name.  That should have been the first warning to run as fast as I could.

But I didn't.  Like an idiot, I stayed.  And like I deserved, he began to take my liberties.  He took control of my life.  My clothes, my debit card, my card, my things.  Nothing was mine.  I felt as though I had to do this because he was right in what he said.  No one loves me.  No one cares...except him.

I remember one night, we went to a country bar in Charlotte, NC.  I was so excited to go out.  He had brought a friend with him, another guy.  I had to pay the cover for all of us.  That night, I was dancing and having fun when someone bumped into me.  Being who I am, I hip bumped the guy back, making light of a crowded situation.  I looked over at my boyfriend and saw fire in his eyes.  Terror flooded my mind and my receptors.  He had threatened to leave me on the roadside before.  To take my liberty even further.  I walked over, my head hanging to my chest.  He accused me of cheating with that man, the man I was hip bumping.  No amount of pleading would make him believe me.  I was so scared.

This was probably not the first time terror was brought into my life by this monster.  But it wasn't the last.  I remember I would drive the hour to see him on a school night.  I would try to leave when I thought he was asleep at 11 pm, at which he would wake up and ask me where I was going.  Saying he didn't want me to leave.  And with that, I would stay.  I would drive back to school at 4 or 5 am, nearly falling asleep at the wheel.  Several times, I fell asleep while on the road, waking with a start at the swerving motion the vehicle was being subjected to.  I remember him seeing me in nice clothes and telling me I was clearly cheating on him.  I had a conversation with a classmate and I was sleeping with him.  I was told to wear baggy shirts and ripped jeans.  But this person was the only one person who loved me.  He told me so...

On Valentine's day, my parents gave me a gift card to get myself something as a gift from them.  I handed it to him, the monster, thinking he might get me something, give him a way to buy me a gift without his own money.  He bought me a 99 cent rose.  The card was not returned to me.  There were other gifts in the car.  Mine was an after thought.

I was a part of the school's a Capella choir.  Every spring, they would go on a spring tour, traveling to some place and sing at different churches along the route.  But that's when things got odd.  I called and he said he was in the hospital.  He told me a dorm mate of mine took him there.  Should have been yet another red flag.

During our intimate moments, he would be on the computer, talking to other girls.  I was an after thought.  Yet I thought he held me as the center of his world.  How blind was I!  After coming home from the spring tour, I found a hospital bill in my car with a different name on it.  Not his.  But someones...he couldn't explain how it got there.  I went home for St Patrick's day and celebrated with my family.  My parents, especially my mom, kept asking me if I was OK, that I didn't look well.  My grades were suffering, although I didn't tell anyone.  I didn't have the strength to get out of bed.  I was about to lose my scholarship, although I won't know this until it was too late.  A few weeks after St Patrick's day was Easter.  I told him I was going home for Easter.  He complained but ultimately capitulated.  And that trip and what occurred afterward probably saved my life.

I came back from visiting home and began to clean out my car.  He had left it littered with trash and various sundries of things.  But then, my hand came to rest on an item that shocked me to discover.  A knife.  There was a knife hidden under the driver's seat of my car.  I was shaken to the core.  I broke down and began sobbing again.  I couldn't ever seem to stop crying.  My life became a series of tears and sleep, the only things my body had the energy for.  I knew then that it had to be over.  With that knife, my life could have been over in a fit of rage.  And it was not the knife I had bought him.

The end of that relationship or rather reign of terror came with the help of my parents.  He had confiscated my iPod and other various sundries of my possessions.  I couldn't face him alone.  I asked my dad to go with me.  He obliged me.  When we approached the door, I knew he was inside.  He wouldn't answer.  When we drove off, he text me, telling me to come back without my dad.  My dad told me to drop him off about a block away so he could still see me and then go.  More importantly my dad told me he loved me and would back me, no matter what.  With that, I faced him.  He shoved some of my possessions into my arms and closed the door.  I hadn't been invited to the house in a while.  The last time I was there, visiting with his family, the cat they rescued came to let me pet him.  The monster was amazed as the cat wouldn't come near him.  Small wonder.  Animals know people better than we know ourselves.

He called and begged me not to do this while I was having dinner with my dad.  When I said I couldn't, he flew into a rage.  I have blocked out whatever obscenities he may have hurled in my direction.  And this wasn't the end.

Over the course of the month, the girl who took him to the hospital went with me back to his house to demand the rest of my belongings.  He shoved them into my arms and threatened to come after us.  He began to jump into his mother's vehicle to follow us as we drove off.  At the end of April, he was spotted in that same girl's room.  I came to find out that in the span of a little over 4 months, he had been with 7 different women, not including myself.  My dorm mate and he got engaged ultimately and I had to suffer seeing him on campus for over a year.  He had lied to me about his name and his whole story.  All because he was a registered sex offender who didn't want to report his new location.  And I was completely in the dark about all of this.

The damage was done.  I lost my scholarship for a year.  My life was in shambles.  I thought of dark things daily.  My world was clouded over with despair.  I made more bad choices.  I was caught in the snarls of other men who were terrible to me and for me.  It wasn't until February of the following year that I got back into a better relationship.  Even then, I wasn't whole as I could be.

I am now engaged to a wonderful man who has taught me the true meaning of love.  He fits all the definitions seen above.  And I hope my Faith will help grow my Love too.  Over the last year, I have realized that I have been discovering the meaning of love all along, even with kissing my share of frogs.  I was learning to love my family again, the way I should love them.  I was also learning to love myself, little by little.  I still have a ways to go until I love myself without a second thought.  But love is something that always has to be discovered and rediscovered.  Even in long-standing marriages, those couples would tell you the spark takes effort to be warmed and maintained.  To love is easy.  To be in love takes work, dedication and compassion for the other person.  It is a two-way street.  If you are ever feeling taken advantage of, consider the life you want and the path you are walking.  Perhaps that will shine some clarity on the subject.  Until you come to collision time of love and life, please enjoy a little thing called "La Vie."