The Importance of Family

Me and my mom and sisters.

I was very fortunate to grow up in a family that has been nothing but supportive.  My mom and dad have both encouraged me to reach for the stars.  My sisters, both younger, challenge me and tease me.  True, we may annoy each other, but we know we can always turn to one another it we needed it.  Growing up, divorce was a foreign word and separation was something done at school, not between parents.  Affairs were entertained at dinner or in a political atmosphere and adultery was one of the Ten Commandments.

It wasn't until I began to attend public school that the beauty of my world yielded to the truth beyond the pavement.  Beyond the roads I traveled on my bicycle or the neighborhood my sisters and I wandered, looking for someone to play with.  Up unto that point, I would agree if you called me naive.  I knew there was more outside of my front door because of how I was not allowed to listen to certain music or watch certain television channels.  But image my shock when people would ask me if my parents are divorced (my mom kept her maiden name).  What was this, this divorce?

Yesterday, at work, a coworker of mine stopped me to discuss a project he had asked me to help him with. We discussed the design I was constructing and then he told me he was going to have his team (he is a coach), at the award banquet, present awards of appreciation to their parents as well.  He described how the certificate would look as we walked.  I told him I believed it to be a great idea on his part and even better that the kids will get to take an active part in the process (signing their name, presenting it to their parents).  He then told me something that struck me.  "As a coach, I am teaching more than soccer.  I am teaching life.  And with this, I want to teach them appreciation for their parents and explain why we are doing this."

I followed it with the best thing I could consider, "That is a great idea.  It is sad that they will soon forget to appreciate their parents and then come back after the teens years to realize how right their parents are."

Patrick Henry Hughes and his father.

I recently saw a video, the story of which I am familiar, that shows images of a disabled son who participates in a marching band.  Though bound to a wheelchair, his father marches him around the field, learning the drill and the formations, while his son plays the trumpet.  I know parents would do anything to guarantee their children a better quality of life than was before.  The strength and courage parents have to bear for their children is moving.  I am truly in awe.

I can only hope that, come the day I become a parent, that I deserve that honor, that my patience become long and my anger short.  That I can be like my mom and my dad.  Caring, loving, compassionate, protective.  I take notes and lessons every time I am surrounded by my family.  I learn from my sisters, as well.  I love my family deeply, both my nuclear and my extended family, those I am close to and those I wish I could see more.  I have a lot to learn from "La Vie."

The Salt and the Light

While on my way to work one day this week, I heard this song by Rhett Walker Band come on the radio.  Now, I have never been a big one for Christian music.  My family never really listened to it at home and I tried to avoid it outside of the home.  The only time I really had to listen to it was because I went to Oneighty with a friend of mine in middle school.  It was a setting where kids in the community could go to have fun and then hear an "obligatory word of God" for the last hour of the night.  On Fridays, they had 5th Quarter, where students can come after football games and hang out.

I respected everyone's views being different but the struggle came from my views not being respected.  Again, I was raised Catholic.  Catholicism has always been something that, when I bring it up, it is frowned upon.  Mind you, my fiance's different background was frowned upon when we spoke with a priest as well.

Over the last few days, both the words of this song and an experience at World Youth Day in Canada has caused me to think.  The lyrics of the song strongly reflect feelings I have experienced for a long time in my life.  That of pride, of knowing what is best in my life:

                                       V1: I'm torn between myself and your truth

These cursed memories, forever seeping through

My thirst for myself left me wanting more

Till I found myself face down on your shore

Chorus

V2: My restless heart, led me astray

To my selfish pride I became my own slave

But you placed a thirst in me with no drink in sight

'Cause I could not see till I saw through your eyes

These lyrics paint the experience, the path I walked down for many years.  The confusion I faced and tried to overcome, the feeling of being lost and alone.  This song, the chorus (which is not included in the above lyrics), is trying to illustrate the meaninglessness of worrying, to lay burdens down and trust all will be well.  Won't my fiance be happy to read this, as it is something he has been preaching to me for the entirety of our relationship?

I mentioned World Youth Day.  This is an event for the Catholic youth.  Youth from all over the world come to a selected city and celebrate Mass together, make friends together, share experiences together and live together.  I remember myself and a friend of mine were suppose to be too young to attend, but we were given special permission by our parish priest.  What a week it was!  We slept in a school, with groups from 

Trinidad across from the girls room I was in.  We shared meals together with other groups from all over the nation and world.  The last night we were there, we were sleeping outside in anticipation of hearing the then Pope John Paul II speak and hold mass the net day.  We slept in boxes, talked with our peers and walked around.  The next morning, it was rainy, the boxes disintegrating under the weight of the water.  Suddenly, it stopped when the Pope came to the stage/altar.

The message of this trip was Matthew 5:13-14, "You are the salt of the earth....you are the light of the world."  I remember hearing animated stories about this and what it means.  I remember attending a Mass where the priest said, "A radical Christian is a salty Christian!"  The verses, in their entirety (Matthew 5: 13-16) are this:

¹³ “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.

¹⁴ “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. ¹⁵ Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. ¹⁶ In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

We carry the weight of our faiths on our shoulders.  We alone as responsible for it thriving and growing.  We have to provide the flavor of the world and the light all around.  Even if not in solely a religious ideology, we should be a light, a beacon to those who need help, support and love.  Perhaps you have needed that in the past and felt yourself gravitate to someone who was a stranger to you.  Perhaps you found yourself telling a stranger your life story, not really knowing what prompted you.  And perhaps, because of this serendipity, you felt all the better.

Yes, I have had incidences and experiences in my life that are far from favorable.  But I also have points in time that I should celebrate.  I have experienced now that should be celebrated.  I know I need to stop fretting and worrying, stressing and carrying things I have no control over.  Maybe you need to reflect this as well.  Remember, a thing called, "La Vie" comes and passes so quickly that it can be gone in a blink of an eye.  Try to not let it pass without enjoying it.

Running and Chasing Shadows

When I was a child, I remember playing a game with my shadows.  I would either try to avoid stepping on my shadow or try hiding in my shadow.  I would run from my shadow and try to catch my shadow.  I would stand in my Mom or Dad's shadows.  I was amazed by shadows, how they changed, how they moved with me.  Peter Pan fell into line, when he lost his shadow.  I remember watching the sun change and the shadows grow longer, my shadow riding beside me on its shadow bicycle.  Those are the shadows I played with.

But there are shadows in life that we all have that we do not want to confront.  These are the shadows we either run from or chase away.  They could be things we have seen, experienced or fought from the past.  Unfortunately, as they have helped shape who we are as people, we carry them into the present and will carry them into the future.  How do we face these things?

I have many shadows in my past that I wish I could erase.  I regret things I passed up in life and I regret choices I have made.  I know we aren't suppose to regret life (it's true, life is way too short!), but believe me, it is difficult to overlook.  I can't ignore the bad relationships I have been in.  They helped me realize what it means to be in a good relationship.  I can't ignore the opportunities I have passed up in my life because it reinforces that you have to take chances.  So how do I face these things in the past without letting it ruin my future?

Being open.

Too commonly, we hide in our shadows or simply, hide our shadows.  But hiding the shadows or hiding in them does not give us consolation.  It exacerbates the problem.  If we live in a dark place in life, how can we love how far we have come?  I face my shadows through my relationship.  My fiance has been monumental in helping me come to terms with what I have faced in my past.  The abuse, the self-esteem problems I have developed.  One of the biggest shadows, my shadow Boogieman, if you will, is that I have had peers tell me I would be better off to kill myself.

I have been teased, taunted and tortured.  But with the help of my family and friends, my fiance and through this blog, I am able to face my shadows and be open with what I have experienced.  What is your outlet?  Do you vent when you feel a shadow pulling you into its darkness?  You have to consider that these shadows are like living Depression, following you around.  It can catch your ankles and pull you into its overcast, not leaving any desire to play in the shadows as you did as a child.  But if we can take command of the shadows, we can better explore them when we have to be pulled into them.

As seen below, nothing is ever as it appears.  What may appear one way in the daylight is something completely different in moonlight.  But sometimes, moonlight is the only way to face what we don't want to face.  Moonlight casts a light on things that we can't deny.  Be it by moonlight or daylight, sunlight or rooted in darkness, don't run from your shadows.  Ask to take someone's hand and jump into them.  Only then can they cease having power over us.

Forever a Journey

A path we walk can either be well-lit or need a latern.

I had such an enjoyable weekend!  Making friends is not left to just little kids.  My fiancé and I had invited a couple over who has a little boy not much younger than my soon-to-be stepson.  Kind of cool to say...stepson!  Anyways, we had a blast talking and laughing at our little boys interacting.  My cheeks thoroughly ached from all the fits of laughter I flew into.  Afterall, what is better than the sound of laughter?

I am so very glad I started this blog.  It is so renewing for me.  I get to explore the world as I see it, not restricted or censored in any manner.  My fiancé has told me he admires the way I write.  This past week, he commented that with the way I write, I should write a book.

"But I don't know what I would write about," I exclaimed.

"Write what you are writing now.  Make a collection and call it, 'Inspirations,'" he encouraged.

This made me think.  Dangerous thing, I know. What I have come to realize is this: I love writing.  I always have loved writing.  I use to write practice essays when home from school on made up topics.  I also use to make up my own math problems.  That is another issue entirely.

I meditated on this for a long time.  What would I write?  What did I have to say?  Would anyone want to read it?  I decided what I suppose a lot of writers ultimately decide.  If I am going to write anything, I should write something I would read or what I enjoy reading.  My whole purpose behind this blog is to communicate my experiences and what I have gone through.  To express myself and my point of view.  There has been two aspects in my life that have been crucial in building my point of view and my world: books and music.

How can I merge this with my writing?  Do they even merge?  I had thought about taking selected pieces of my blog out and elaborating on it.  Then it came to me.  I can present different pieces of music I love, different quotes from plays, movies, the Bible or poetry and connect it to a life experience to indulge upon.  I already began writing a list.  A lot of them come from my years in the Lenoir-Rhyne A Cappella Choir.

When I say "Forever a Journey," I do mean forever.  My journey with my fiancé who will become my husband in October.  My journey with my family, his family and, someday, our family.  My journey with my friends.  My journey with my career and my life choices, both those in the past, present and future.  Always remembering that what we do and have done does not define who we are.  It only helps make us who we can be.