Back and Heart Pain

What a day! My poor husband pulled something in his back yesterday and woke up very early this morning in agony. I felt so bad. 5:30 AM and rubbing icy hot cream on his poor side, handing him some pain relief. Unfortunately, I awoke again to him telling me he never got back to sleep. We didn't go to church due to his pain but we worshiped in our own way.

We also went to Roanoke today to visit with my husband's family. We started our trip with a little ray of sunshine: my husband's goddaughter and her family. Her parents are amazing and she is our little ray of Sunshine. Just like our Little Man, Sunshine means everything to us. She can bring a smile to our faces and I love watching her mother light up. I hope we don't stay too far from Sunshine for too long. I hope to see her more regularly.

We then had dinner with my in-law family. My sister-in-law and her husband recently revealed that the will be moving to Ohio and taking my two little nieces with them. As you can probably imagine, this is a hard hit to the family particularly so since they have lived in close proximity to the family unit for the majority of their marriage. Tonight definitely had its moments but it had its laughter, tears and pain.

More than likely, the most valuable thing I learned today, though, was on the way home. We were near our home and deep in conversation when suddenly, I see two deer start to move into the road. I slam on the brakes, my husband bracing himself for impending impact while I hope my brakes take. We stop just in time, only for me to turn and, in my state of anxiety, say some harsh words to my husband. After some moments of silence, I turned and very quietly apologized. I explained that although I knew he was startled by the moment that his explanations did not help me when I was trying to maintain a calm demeanor. But then again, why do I always have to be calm?

The ocean is always seen as the epitome of soothing and calm nature and disposition. But even the ocean can become rocky and unpleasant to see. While it does not need to define me, I can't continue to hide my emotions for the sake of those around me. Even the calm Laura has emotions outside of joy. I let a little of that lose on Friday at work (not outwardly lashing but by demeanor).

A few notes in closing: Little Man, we miss you immensely. I know you are really enjoying your time with the Doctor but you need to know that your daddy and stepmom really love and miss you. We hold an open door for you at all times in our home and our hearts. Please know we are always there for you.

Sunshine, you and your parents are welcomed friends and family to us. It was so lovely to see you all and I hope we get to see you again very soon.

In-Laws: Thank you for such a lovely evening. Though it may have been laden with some sadness and a knowing of what is to come in a few short weeks, it was still sweet to share the time we have together as we did.

My husband: You do more for me than you may ever realize and know. I love you with all my heart and can't wait to share each and every day with you...including tomorrow morning's walk

But as for tonight....Hazelnut spread on toast!! And enjoying this thing called "La Vie."

Holidays: On the Protected List

We all know the routine.  Get up, get ready for the day, drive to work, work all day/night, drive home, relax for a few hours and go to bed.  Only to get up and repeat the process the next day and the day after.  Pretty soon, without much more to break up our lives, it can become fairly monotonous.  That's why we have holidays throughout the year.  I realize that every holiday is to recognize either an important day in history or honor a specific group in society.  We all know we simply look forward to the day off.

But what about those people who don't have the luxury of a holiday?  Maybe these people work in the service industry (food, emergency, military, etc) to where they have to be at work so you can enjoy your holiday without much stress.  While the Blue Laws of old use to protect at least Sunday for all, these have gone by the wayside, sacrificed for our thirst to always have access to stores and restaurants, regardless of what those workers sacrifice for us.

Maybe the people work multiple jobs and while one might not be open, the other might have them scheduled?  Or they may work nights?  I remember I worked nights at one job into the holiday season and came home on Thanksgiving Day at 7 AM, having worked since 10 PM the previous night.  I have worked several hours into a holiday, whereas most people had gone to bed knowing their holiday had already started.  That year, I understood what someone who worked and lived their life this way all the time goes through.  I woke up around noon that day, in a daze and trying to get into the festivities quickly.

What if you heard that you may not get any holidays at all or very few holidays?  You are given time off to use but may not use it at your complete leisure due to the confines of what you work on.  As our society continues to propel itself further and further into the future, this may become a reality.  We are driven to higher productivity levels which more less time available for ourselves and more hours to log at work.  Our families are already sensing the strain from these pressures and we see this reflected in our divorce rates and the different lifestyles that have been adopted within the confines of a marriage.

You have the power of time in your hands.

How can we fix this?  We need to take time and focus on our families.  When we come home, finish any remaining work you have with expedience and take time to enjoy your family and your life.  This can be as simple as going out to dinner or enjoying a home cooked meal around a table together.  Sitting with your family, cuddled on the couch watching a movie or television.  Remember that our holidays can be taken away, government can change and life can shift dramatically.  But as long as we can cling to our families and all those morals within, that is one thing that cannot be lost, even with the onslaught of death.  Death cannot severe what is eternal.

Luck has Nothing to Do with Birthdays

Last night, I was looking up from my chair.  The white string tied to the right arm of my chair lead up the way to find a balloon wafting in the cross breeze of the air.  The bottom of the balloon is surrounded by bright colors leading up to a colorful "Happy Birthday!" topped off by a candle.  I found this balloon, along with a card and a gift on my desk Monday morning.  It was from a close colleague of mine, one with whom I have worked since day one.

Like the balloon I have!

As I looked to the underbelly of the balloon, I began to think about meaning of all the traditions in birthdays. While driving home, these thoughts turned to the origins of the celebration.  I thought about how families traditionally worked.  When most of the country was still being settled, even in the rural areas of Europe or other nations, having a large family was imperative to running the farm.  There were animals to feed, crops to care for and good to sell.  Childbirth carried dangers to the mother, a woman who was crucial to the raising of the children.  Death was prominent in a world where medicine consisted of bleeding or balancing the Four Humors.

Having children was, while important, not a luxury either.  All the girls needed dowries to marry appropriately, money or gifts to offer their future husbands.  All the goods (woman included) were given to the husband to become his property (thus the changing of the last name).  There were more mouths to feed in the home, availability of food depending on the success of the crop and how well it did at market.  Many famines occurred.

On the drive home, I thought about how when my family came to celebrate my birthday.  How my mom embraced me, wishing me a happy birthday "to my eldest girl!  Happiest day in my life!"  I am being celebrated when really, it is she who should be celebrated.  Mothers get one day to have all they do celebrated when really it should be celebrated everyday, including on a child's birthday.  We are very fortunate in this day and age to have the luxury to celebrate the birth of a child.  In the past, it was out of necessity and motherly/wifely duty that children were born into a marriage.  Now, having children is something that can be almost predetermined (if you include the availability of birth control).

Every birthday is a gift in life.  Many won't see as many birthdays as you or I might see.  The world is quick to take gifts like life away from us.  It seems as though every medical advance we have made is met by an improvement on the part of illness.  We are seeing more and more "superbugs" that medicine is constantly trying to keep up with.  But for now, let's celebrate the world and the day as it comes.  I have had my breakfast and enjoying my second cup of coffee.  My morning is about halfway completed.  Our little dog is chasing after flies and all I can think of is how blessed I am to be a quarter of a century old and enjoying the world I am in.

If they say it on the Internet/Radio/Television...

Modern TV family

...it must be true!

Are you familiar with that ad?  I believe it is for State Farm insurance.  The gentleman is mapping his accident on his cell phone when a women walks up.  She is all about how they can't post any lies on the Internet.  Then she says her date, who is a French model, is coming who she met on the Internet.  He is far from a model and, from the look on his face, you can tell he lied to her.

Why am I bringing this up?  These media sources (radio, Internet, television) are ways we learn about how to deal with things and how products come into our homes.  Last night, on the way home from work, I heard a radio ad aimed at parents of unfocused children.  The advertised product was a game, a video game, that your child was able to play and learn to focus and learn overall.  They were giving away demos.  Not only did just this idea make me sad but at the very end of the ad was a startling statement.  It was not in the wording of a typical disclaimer.  Instead of "May not be effective for all children," it said, "Your child may not be successful."

How powerful.  Parents only want the best for their children, only want their children to succeed.  Otherwise, why would they buy such a product.  But the power in the statement that takes the blame of effectiveness off the product and places it on the child.  Therefore, if your child does not improve or succeed, it is the fault of the child, not the product.

The other component that blows my mind in this advertisement is the idea that a child can gain these skills all through a video game.  But then again, we are a generation that let's our televisions babysit for us.  Whenever we have my fiance's son over, I am amazed at how much his life revolves around the TV.  We try to turn it off for him to settle down for the night, only to be met with cries that a certain show was about to come on or should be coming on.  He has asked us if he can fall asleep on the sofa, watching TV.  When he is watching it, he is in a trance.

I will admit that when I watch TV, I sometimes tune the rest of the world out.  My escape.  It shouldn't be.  My art should be my escape, my music should be my escape, as should my relationship and my family and friends.  Unfortunately, by the time I get home some nights, there isn't time.  For example, all this week, I do not get home until after 9:30 every night.  Once home, it's time for me to finish everything else that needs to be done around the house, for myself and the meal.

Life gets crazy and hectic.  But that is never reason enough to set aside the relationships between people in order to hush a room with a movie or TV.  And these things will not help our children, our youth get better in school.  When I heard the radio commercial, I immediately tried to reflect back on how I was taught to focus.  I wasn't taught with TV, video games or Internet.  Those were things I was privileged to if I earned them.  Otherwise, I knew to pay attention, to listen, to do well in school.  I knew how to play by myself and with my sisters.

Perhaps with having television babysitting our children, it causes inattentiveness.  We try to talk to the youth while they are lost in another world.  It could be teaching them that it is OK to ignore an adult.  If we don't like something on TV or on the radio, we just change the channel.  At school, there is no channel to change.  If a student gets "bored," they will lose focus and have difficulty refocusing.  When children play by themselves or with other children, they learn important social skills, creative thinking and problem solving.  When they watch TV, they learn a completely different set of values and not actively either.  There is both active and passive learning.  Active learning is when the child is participating in an activity that helps them retain this information.  It could be singing a song, writing something down.  An example of this is when I wrote the alphabet and challenged my fiance's son to write each letter.  Passive learning is when you watch something and absorb the information.  At a young age, however, not all the information may be absorbed in this manner.  Maybe some facts will and others will not.

Maybe no more than a year ago, my mom handed me an article about games.  It was teaching parents ideas of games to play with their children outside.  They were games I played when I was a child.  Seeing something like this makes me very sad.  I know we are a world that is constantly rushing around until we are exhausted, not leaving time enough to enjoy with our families.  But is the extra three dollars worth losing your family, losing your relationships with your family, your children?

The (D)Evolution of Sex

Over the span of time, sex has evolved in its meaning, acceptance and description.  Sex in itself has a dual definition.  Not only does it define the act of mating and reproduction taken on by the majority of species (with the exception of asexual beings), it is also defined as the biological makeup and organs of an organism as one of the two major forms of individuals that occur in many species.  For all intensive purposes of this post, sex will be referring to the act of reproduction that commonly occurs within a species.  The second definition of sex is room enough for another post by itself.

In the beginning of time, sex and the act of mating in the human species is characterized by the act of a caveman hitting a woman over the head and dragging her back to his cave.  It was a more primal instinct.  While that still is within our being, the modernity has changed the acceptance of this practice to being void.  But when there were few people on the Earth, the reasoning behind sex was to populate the world.  The picture of the caveman could also be an explanation of expanding the gene pool, as well as an expression of power.

This expression of power did not become extinct with the evolution of the species.  On the contrary, it was adopted as a ready expression and method of warfare.  Along with this, pedophilia was adopted in early armies, especially found within the Greek armies.  I will not speak much on this as I would have to do extensive further research to have a better understand as to the reasoning behind.  But sex as an expression of warfare had primal reasons.  You breed them out.  This is why warfare is sometimes connected with the phrase "rape and pillage."  You steal their wealth and impregnate the women, the nation has in effect lost a piece of its identity.  What is more, the winners write history.  Whenever you read history or study history, consider that half of the story is not expressed from anyone's view but the victors and that there is always two sides.

There has been records during WW2 that when foreigners stepped foot on Japan, whole families were found to be dead in their homes.  Women were told that if invaded, they would be taken and raped, the ultimate disgrace against honor and the family.  As a result, they would kill themselves to avoid their bodies and bloodline being defiled.  War, rape, sex and self-protection has at some point in time been intertwined together.

To this day, there is a battle occurring with power and sex intermixed.  Rape is a prominent under belly of society.  And rape is nothing other than power.  There is nothing sexual influencing the "choice" to rape a woman (or a man, as they too can be raped).  Men can be raped.  It is still an act of power.  This is a major issue in society.  There are mixed signals expressed by society.  The media depicts women as objects, as something to be demeaned, taken advantage of and torn apart.  Then the act of rape is wrong.  Is it any wonder that there is possible ingrained confusion in our youth?  The popular media objectifies women and has lyrics glorifying the act of rape while the law reads that it is wrong.

Women at one time were nothing more than living, breathing property, to be bought, sold and traded.  To be treated as cattle, where the "rule of thumb" came into play on the steps of Town Hall.  Dowry was paid to husbands.  Women were expected to carry, bear and keep children and house.  They had no rights and no privileges in society.  While much of this role in society has changed, equal rights still do not exist.  In my blunt opinion, it will not exist until I can finally walk down a street in a seemingly safe neighborhood without fear for myself.  And yes, I have had that fear even while in college, on campus.

Sex is ever evolving.  The definition of what is acceptable within the sex world is constantly changing, including accepted acts with items, such as dolls (NatGeo "Taboo" had an episode based on the attraction to dolls, robots or inanimate objects).  But there is never excuse for rape.  My jeans may be tight and my dress may graze the top of my knee.  But that is no reason to say "She was asking for it."  Too many women have been subjected to this horrifying crime and will continue to be subjected until we change our societal perception and address the situation accordingly.  Instead of teaching how to avoid being raped, why not teach NOT to rape?

I believe I have gone on a sufficient rant for the day.  I must get ready for work but please keep in mind when read this that no deep research has gone into this posting.  This is just a collection of observations and studies and lectures over the years of education.  I hope you all enjoy this thing called "La Vie."

Birthday Wishes on Butterfly Wings

What has happened to me??  I know, I have been MIA for several days.  It has been a crazy few days, too!

My blooming tulips

Friday, we got my fiance's son for the weekend.  I got home around 7 and immediately went to making dinner and talking and entertaining the five year old.  He is very sweet but was a complete handful this weekend!  The most difficult ever!

Saturday, all three of us went to where my fiance graduated from high school with his sister and her two daughters.  All six of us were invincible, conquering arguments and hiking around a festival, saying "no" and "yes," backing each other up all the way.  We went to lunch shortly thereafter and then, visiting other family members.  We got back late that night and we all went straight to bed.

Cards and rhubarb tart!

Yesterday, Sunday, was my birthday!  Quarter of a century old, there was a packed day ahead of us.  Unbeknownst to us is exactly how long it would extend.  We took my fiance's son back by noon.  While there, my fiance took a tumble.  His ankle become swollen and he was in pain.  He bit his bottom lip, knowing my family was coming for dinner.  We drove back home (he drove) and he propped his foot up with ice while I did laundry.  My family came and brought strawberry-rhubarb pie (I LOVE rhubarb!  Try cooking with it, it is awesome!), presents and tons of well-wishes.

When we bid them adieu (much to our puppy's displeasure), Ryan admitted to me that he was in a lot of pain.  He asked to be taken to the Emergency Room.  What else was I to do but oblige?  I drove him to the hospital, helped him into the waiting room, where we awaited Triage and a bed.  His blood pressure was sky high as well as his pain tolerance.  When we finally got a bed, I helped to take his shoe off.

The doctor walked in.  He kind of stooped a little when he walked, had a beard and tired eyes.  He expressed he was already on his 6th cup of coffee and there since Friday.  Probably working a 72-hour, I told my fiance.  The doctor joked with us, trying to be good natured and make light of the situation.  Once my fiance got back from X-ray, he expressed that he was becoming annoyed by the jokes.  I also had been joking with him.  This launched us into a conversation about making light of the scenario.

I admire those men and women who work in a field such as medicine or law enforcement or any of the fields that are very serious and grave situations.  I can appreciate someone trying to have a sense of humor in the setting as well.  I love to joke when I am not feeling well.  I would rather bring smiles to a room and make myself feel better, than sit in silence while a busy room passes around me.  If I am not smiling in a situation like that, I feel as though everyone else is going at the speed of light and I am left behind.  I try and bring my fiance a smile every day, my family a smile every chance I can.  I try to smile every chance I can as well.

The butterfly

Friday night when I got home, I was welcomed with a kiss and two hugs, a bouquet of mixed-color tulips and a butterfly necklace.  Now, I stand in my kitchen and the tulips are blooming and perfuming the room.  My birthday wishes still linger in the air, the last bars from "Happy Birthday" echo in the apartment.  I saw my fiance off in his air cast and crutches, teaching him as much as I learned when I was on crutches a few years ago.  Sitting here now, enjoying some corn muffins and coffee before work, I reflect on the reasoning I was given the butterfly necklace by my fiance.

"It is said that when a dream is coming true, someone will see a butterfly crossing their path.  Well, honey, you are my dream come true."

The Importance of Family

Me and my mom and sisters.

I was very fortunate to grow up in a family that has been nothing but supportive.  My mom and dad have both encouraged me to reach for the stars.  My sisters, both younger, challenge me and tease me.  True, we may annoy each other, but we know we can always turn to one another it we needed it.  Growing up, divorce was a foreign word and separation was something done at school, not between parents.  Affairs were entertained at dinner or in a political atmosphere and adultery was one of the Ten Commandments.

It wasn't until I began to attend public school that the beauty of my world yielded to the truth beyond the pavement.  Beyond the roads I traveled on my bicycle or the neighborhood my sisters and I wandered, looking for someone to play with.  Up unto that point, I would agree if you called me naive.  I knew there was more outside of my front door because of how I was not allowed to listen to certain music or watch certain television channels.  But image my shock when people would ask me if my parents are divorced (my mom kept her maiden name).  What was this, this divorce?

Yesterday, at work, a coworker of mine stopped me to discuss a project he had asked me to help him with. We discussed the design I was constructing and then he told me he was going to have his team (he is a coach), at the award banquet, present awards of appreciation to their parents as well.  He described how the certificate would look as we walked.  I told him I believed it to be a great idea on his part and even better that the kids will get to take an active part in the process (signing their name, presenting it to their parents).  He then told me something that struck me.  "As a coach, I am teaching more than soccer.  I am teaching life.  And with this, I want to teach them appreciation for their parents and explain why we are doing this."

I followed it with the best thing I could consider, "That is a great idea.  It is sad that they will soon forget to appreciate their parents and then come back after the teens years to realize how right their parents are."

Patrick Henry Hughes and his father.

I recently saw a video, the story of which I am familiar, that shows images of a disabled son who participates in a marching band.  Though bound to a wheelchair, his father marches him around the field, learning the drill and the formations, while his son plays the trumpet.  I know parents would do anything to guarantee their children a better quality of life than was before.  The strength and courage parents have to bear for their children is moving.  I am truly in awe.

I can only hope that, come the day I become a parent, that I deserve that honor, that my patience become long and my anger short.  That I can be like my mom and my dad.  Caring, loving, compassionate, protective.  I take notes and lessons every time I am surrounded by my family.  I learn from my sisters, as well.  I love my family deeply, both my nuclear and my extended family, those I am close to and those I wish I could see more.  I have a lot to learn from "La Vie."

Passing of Time

The sun is streaming into the windows, peeking its way into my world between the slated blinds.  I hear our little dog, Molly, crying for freedom from her crate and her bed.  I feel my fiance roll out of bed and begin to move within the apartment and start his day.  Meanwhile, I laze about, drifting in and out from the realm of sleep and dreams.

It is mornings like this that I enjoy so much.  I woke finally, after fighting sleep in my eyes, to find my fiance standing at the door, smiling at me.  I got up and made french toast and coffee.  Here we sit, discussing life and the day, our Molly lying lazily between us.  It makes me think about how we measure time.

Before clocks, time was tracked by the rising and falling of the sun.  Sun dials, then, helped keep a little bit of tracking of the hours.  Otherwise, the concept of hours and minutes is one we pressed upon the world.  Is it our need of structure that we impress our world into some intangible constraints?  But we have another way to define time.  That is the difference between the work week and the weekend.

At work this week, my coworker and I were discussing about missing school.  Why would we miss school? Because during school, you always knew there was another day off around the corner (of course, I missed school for the academics as well).  The summer or winter vacation would always be right around the corner, with periodic days off throughout the year.  Now, in the real world, I work everyday with the exception of Thanksgiving and Christmas and can take a week off a year.

But the week too is constructed by man.  Where did we get that there were seven days in the week?  Granted, I figure the answer would be by the tracking of the seasons and also by the history of seasonal celebrations.  It is simply an interesting thing to consider.

The seasons come and go but what remains standard is the love that exists between our friends and family.  Remember that nature can prove to be a source of inspiration and love in our lives.  But if we are in forever a rush, we miss what is the most beautiful in our world.  Stop and smell the roses.  Take time to take a stroll in nature.  Breathe in the air and focus on the freedom it releases.  Nature is at our core.  Try it.  It's a good way to reduce stress in a thing called, "La Vie."

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