Back and Heart Pain

What a day! My poor husband pulled something in his back yesterday and woke up very early this morning in agony. I felt so bad. 5:30 AM and rubbing icy hot cream on his poor side, handing him some pain relief. Unfortunately, I awoke again to him telling me he never got back to sleep. We didn't go to church due to his pain but we worshiped in our own way.

We also went to Roanoke today to visit with my husband's family. We started our trip with a little ray of sunshine: my husband's goddaughter and her family. Her parents are amazing and she is our little ray of Sunshine. Just like our Little Man, Sunshine means everything to us. She can bring a smile to our faces and I love watching her mother light up. I hope we don't stay too far from Sunshine for too long. I hope to see her more regularly.

We then had dinner with my in-law family. My sister-in-law and her husband recently revealed that the will be moving to Ohio and taking my two little nieces with them. As you can probably imagine, this is a hard hit to the family particularly so since they have lived in close proximity to the family unit for the majority of their marriage. Tonight definitely had its moments but it had its laughter, tears and pain.

More than likely, the most valuable thing I learned today, though, was on the way home. We were near our home and deep in conversation when suddenly, I see two deer start to move into the road. I slam on the brakes, my husband bracing himself for impending impact while I hope my brakes take. We stop just in time, only for me to turn and, in my state of anxiety, say some harsh words to my husband. After some moments of silence, I turned and very quietly apologized. I explained that although I knew he was startled by the moment that his explanations did not help me when I was trying to maintain a calm demeanor. But then again, why do I always have to be calm?

The ocean is always seen as the epitome of soothing and calm nature and disposition. But even the ocean can become rocky and unpleasant to see. While it does not need to define me, I can't continue to hide my emotions for the sake of those around me. Even the calm Laura has emotions outside of joy. I let a little of that lose on Friday at work (not outwardly lashing but by demeanor).

A few notes in closing: Little Man, we miss you immensely. I know you are really enjoying your time with the Doctor but you need to know that your daddy and stepmom really love and miss you. We hold an open door for you at all times in our home and our hearts. Please know we are always there for you.

Sunshine, you and your parents are welcomed friends and family to us. It was so lovely to see you all and I hope we get to see you again very soon.

In-Laws: Thank you for such a lovely evening. Though it may have been laden with some sadness and a knowing of what is to come in a few short weeks, it was still sweet to share the time we have together as we did.

My husband: You do more for me than you may ever realize and know. I love you with all my heart and can't wait to share each and every day with you...including tomorrow morning's walk

But as for tonight....Hazelnut spread on toast!! And enjoying this thing called "La Vie."

Ebb and Flow

Much like the number of visitors that come to my page (whether actually real or not), life consists a component of ebb and flow.  Good times come in as the bad times go out to sea and vise-versa as well.  Newton's law comes to mind in that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  So what does this mean for our lives and how does it impact?

When was the last time you were at the beach?  We are coming into the summer months and I am certain this is something favorable on your minds to do this time of year.  When you get to the beach, whenever that is, I want you to do something for me.  Go to the beach at dawn.  Yes, I know it's your vacation.  Yes, I realize you may have spent all year getting up after dawn to go to work but trust me...

At dawn, very few people are out to spoil the sights.  The sounds of the waves crashing echo singularly in your ears as the seagulls begin to stir.  You may see fishing boats or even dolphins in that time.  And to see the first light of day kiss the horizon and stretch to the white peaks of the waves is such a calming thing to witness.  Also, watch the ebb and flow of the waves.

Tides are brought in by the moon, controlled by the moon.  No matter where the tide is, however, ebb and flow is always constant.  The same comparison can be drawn to life.  No matter where your life is, no matter what stage, financial state or way you measure your life, the ebb and flow is constant.  With that comes balance.  With balance ultimately comes peace.  Peace that can be found in a sunrise.  Peace can may be lost when the next wave comes in but can easily be restored.

I struggled for peace internally sometimes.  I fear I worry too much, stress too much.  I have no control over where Life takes me sometimes and when I do have control, it is limited to how much I can influence.  But...I am learning I have control in how to respond to these changes.  Truth is, I can worry, fret, stress, cry and boo hoo until the cows come home!  However, when my tears dry and my fit ceases, Life and its challenges are still there.

We can try to ignore them or we can cope and face them.  We can try to run from it or we can embrace it.  Life is like a poker game where someone has gone all-in and you have two choices: to fold or to match the bet.  When Life hands you another challenge, will you go all-in and face it full force?  Or will you fold and let Life take you where it wills, as a piece of driftwood on the ocean.

Whenever I was last at the beach, several years ago, I was able to see the sun rise.  It took my breath away and, for even just a moment, I felt as though everything would be OK.  I knew the sun would eventually set on a bad time in Life and rise on a good time.  Well, World, the good time is here but that doesn't mean I shouldn't be prepared.  Embrace Life, all it gives you and its challenges.  It is that from which we draw our experiences and it is that from which we become who we are.