Decision and more...

As life continues to propel us forward, we are bound to have to face decisions.  These decisions can vary from person to person and be as vast as the ocean.  One of the most vital decisions is how we lead our lives: Floater or Learner?

I believe that these are two broad categories that we all fall into in some form or fashion.  The Floater is a person who moves through life with ease, no real drive as things are handed to them or comes easily to them.  Goals are attainable and obstacles are few.  The individuals seemingly have little problems socially or academically.  The Learner, however, is driven by their past experiences to continuously look to better themselves.  These are people who constantly seem to face obstacles and have the need to renew the resolve in facing the world.  These are people who seem overly ambitious and have that intellectual flame, a never quenchable thirst for knowledge.

You may be asking yourself, "I don't fall into either one.  There are both very extreme categories."  Now, now, don't get your feathers ruffled.  You may not fall in one category or the other, but rather a combination of the two.  That is a possibility as well.  You may find, after further reflection, that you began in one category and then changed to another category.  We are not static in life and we are constantly shifting and changing.

The reason I bring this up?  Our decisions are ours alone.  No matter what category you fall into, you are not bound to that by life.  You can change your path if you so choose to seek that change.  Only you have the power of your Life path in your hands.

Forge Your Own Path

"The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves."

-William Shakespeare

Throughout life, we all encounter those moments we refer to in several different terms.  Fate, destiny, it was "meant to be"...all of these terms indicate that something occurred that was somehow predetermined in the universe.  Now, I am not saying this is not completely incorrect because I do think there are things that come to pass.  But I think to a degree, we control that fate as well.

When I was in middle school, I went with some friends to a place called Oneighty.  This was a safe place where kids around the same age can go to.  For the first hour, you could play video games, have something to eat, hang out with your friends and the second hour was dedicated to the ministry portion of the program. One time, during the second hour, the topic turned to dating and how you find your soulmate.  The advice given to us in those seats was that your soulmate will come to your door.

Looking back, I realize that what they meant was that when you aren't looking, Love will find you.  But at that age, I took this to mean literally, sit at home, and wait for the person you are meant to be with to arrive.  Love, like life, sometimes needs helping along.  While you shouldn't search for it, you shouldn't ignore it either.  We must create our own destiny in Love to an extent.

Why does this come up, you ask?  Because this applies to the work place as well.  At my place of employment over the years, I have had many people mill promises over me.  A lot of times, I was content to rest on my laurels and wait for these promises to come to fruition.  I suppose you can see where this is going.  Nothing ever really became of what was said.  This can wear on a person who is constantly looking to better herself or improve who she is in work (she for myself, of course!).  This time, I determined that it needed to be different.

I was beginning to become frustrated.  I had a large system of support at first when I started at the company.  But, as it often happens, sometimes roles of the superiors change and with that, expectations and support can also alter.  I was holding a lot of things I wanted to see for myself.  However, I found myself waiting for someone else to make it happen for me.  Odd, as this is never how things work generally.  So, I came to a decision: take my own destiny, my own work future, into my hands.  I plan to start different training courses and searching out ways to better my skill set.

What about you?  Is there something currently in your life that you have been waiting to take care of itself?  Perhaps you, like me, are waiting for something in the workplace to take off?  Or perhaps you are waiting for Love?  Maybe it is something else entirely, a calling or something deeper.  You are not helping yourself by waiting for it to be handed to you.  Take chances, take risks and enjoy life!  Why wait for someone else to hand you something when you will feel so much better about it when you earn it?

Forever a Journey

A path we walk can either be well-lit or need a latern.

I had such an enjoyable weekend!  Making friends is not left to just little kids.  My fiancé and I had invited a couple over who has a little boy not much younger than my soon-to-be stepson.  Kind of cool to say...stepson!  Anyways, we had a blast talking and laughing at our little boys interacting.  My cheeks thoroughly ached from all the fits of laughter I flew into.  Afterall, what is better than the sound of laughter?

I am so very glad I started this blog.  It is so renewing for me.  I get to explore the world as I see it, not restricted or censored in any manner.  My fiancé has told me he admires the way I write.  This past week, he commented that with the way I write, I should write a book.

"But I don't know what I would write about," I exclaimed.

"Write what you are writing now.  Make a collection and call it, 'Inspirations,'" he encouraged.

This made me think.  Dangerous thing, I know. What I have come to realize is this: I love writing.  I always have loved writing.  I use to write practice essays when home from school on made up topics.  I also use to make up my own math problems.  That is another issue entirely.

I meditated on this for a long time.  What would I write?  What did I have to say?  Would anyone want to read it?  I decided what I suppose a lot of writers ultimately decide.  If I am going to write anything, I should write something I would read or what I enjoy reading.  My whole purpose behind this blog is to communicate my experiences and what I have gone through.  To express myself and my point of view.  There has been two aspects in my life that have been crucial in building my point of view and my world: books and music.

How can I merge this with my writing?  Do they even merge?  I had thought about taking selected pieces of my blog out and elaborating on it.  Then it came to me.  I can present different pieces of music I love, different quotes from plays, movies, the Bible or poetry and connect it to a life experience to indulge upon.  I already began writing a list.  A lot of them come from my years in the Lenoir-Rhyne A Cappella Choir.

When I say "Forever a Journey," I do mean forever.  My journey with my fiancé who will become my husband in October.  My journey with my family, his family and, someday, our family.  My journey with my friends.  My journey with my career and my life choices, both those in the past, present and future.  Always remembering that what we do and have done does not define who we are.  It only helps make us who we can be.

A Calling, A Whisper and Snowflakes

Everyone do me a favor....go to your calendar and tell me what the date is.


April showers bring May flowers.

Go on, I will wait...

So, if your calendar reflects the same thing that my calendar does, it is currently the 5th of April, 2013.  Can you believe it that yesterday, the 4th of April, it snowed where I am?!?

I found it to be one of the craziest weather activities that I have witnessed in my young life.  Certainly, being where I am in the South, I am accustomed to it being hot and cold, back and forth, until it finally settles into Summer or Winter.  But I cannot ever recall seeing snow in April.

It was beautiful.  I was at work and whispers and murmurs began to sound throughout the building.  My back is to the window so I slowly turned to see what everyone was so entranced by.  Snow.  Big, white snow.  My coworker told me it was like clusters of flakes falling at one time.  It was like being in a snowglobe.

I often joke that Mother Nature needs to get out of menopause.  But at the same time, this is a miracle of our world.  Yesterday made me think of those persistent and courageous daffodils that peek up and begin to show the world they have survived winter.  I thought of how many of them would be harmed by the cold and the snow.  I use to think the same of the azaleas in the yard where I grew up.  Yet, they are so resilient.

We all encounter things in our lives that cause us to feel like we are moving backward.  I know I have.  I have put my life on hold for many different reasons only to wake up one day and realize I don't even know what my dreams are anymore.  This morning, after my fiancé left, I sent him a text message.  It read:

Please pray for me.  I am feeling lost and not fulfilled.  I know I shouldn't as I have you, my family and friends and a job.  I have everything that should make me happy.  But I still feel somewhat empty.

His reply:

I am always praying for you.  Every day.

Now you may say, "Eww, that's gross!"  But that is Love.  I realized last night, on my way home from work, what one of my coworkers told me.  We were talking about the study and practice of law and going on to higher education.  I told him that I never could because of the money.  He told me that if I am not careful, I will soon wake up and half my life would be over and I will not be where I feel like I should.

OK, I took a little artistic liberty with that.  I elaborate and wrote how what he said made me feel.  But those words really hit home.  I have stepped aside for so many things and people in my life that I have lost sight of what I want to make myself.  Is there any healing from that?

No, like the daffodils, there isn't healing.  But there is rebirth.  I have to be resilient like the daffodils and azaleas in the snow.  They have waited so long and couldn't wait any longer for Spring to be sure to set in.  But when the world started moving backward, they, too, retreated.  But that doesn't mean they won't appear again.  Just because I have been foolish in the past, setting my life and my dreams on hold for those around me, does not mean they won't come back to fruition.

The only remaining question is: what are my dreams?  What is my path?  I feel as though I am still fresh out of college and searching for my path in life.  How long will it take to discover it?  I have no inclination.  I do know I have a great support team in my fiancé and my family.  You, too, can be my support team.  Afterall, we have to stand by each other.

The other night, I had a thought that maybe at the end of a year, I might publish some of these posts and elaborate on them a little.  Any thoughts?  Comments, criticism or ideas?  I cannot become a better writer if I do not know how my writing is perceived.

UPDATE: I want to clarify that I am deeply in love with my fiance and thoroughly enjoy my job and what I am doing.  I simply feel like I have a calling for something more, be it volunteer work or going back to school.  I just don't want any misconceptions.