The Dance of Courtship

Ah, courtship!  The dance of Love, passion and future.  I have often said to my peers that by large, the human species is the only one in which the women attracted the men.  Mind you, this doesn't mean that women do all the work, but they are the ones who primarily cause the attraction.  When I thought about this topic for today, I decided to look the information up, become better informed.  To my surprise, there are more species that have an evenness of roles in attraction across the Animal Kingdom.


Too often, we associate male birds, fish and other animals with putting on shows and brightly colored displays to attract a mate.  In the article I read this morning ("In the Animal Kingdom, a New Look at Female Beauty," The New York Times),  there are examples of animals in which the male does display colors or striking marks, but the female returns this display.  The brighter the females' markings, the more desirable the mate.  The first example of this is the Goby fish, in which the males approach a female and show off blue spots on their fins.  If the female is interested, it will back-flip, displaying the bright yellow spots on its belly.  The brighter the spots, the better the chance of courtship.

This was cause for pause.  Was it reflected in our society?  It seems that our first line of courtship is the colorful plumes of our females, the hair, make-up, clothing and everything else that goes into primping.  We parade in front of our male counterparts, hoping someone will approach us and talk to us.  We smile, play with our hair, make eye contact and flirtatiously look away.  But it isn't all one way.

Men, I am sure, primp extensively when they are out looking for the courtship of their life.  So while they are showing their colorful plumes, surely they are nervous about looking at ours.  While attractiveness is a crucial point of coming together as a couple, there are so many factors that cannot be accurately calculated by science.  As a higher level of society, we do not court simply for the need of impregnating and leaving.  We have, as far as I am able to tell, evolved beyond that point.  We have become a society of monogamy and feel the need to court, not only those who stimulate the loins, but who stimulate our intellect, our interests and our need for companionship.

To those women who are experiencing difficulty finding that man who want to court them or they keep meeting the "wrong" men, I was there.  I met too many of the wrong guys and constantly thought that was all I could have.  I was told in high school that I was a girl guys would marry, but would never date.  I am dead serious!  I was so confused.  How could you marry me but not date me?

Fast forward to today.  After years of online dating and months upon months of wasted relationships, of tearing myself down, convincing myself I don't deserve better, I found my companion.  But it took time.  I am lucky enough to find someone who embraces my intellect and my perspective of the world, who also supports me in all that I do.  This will happen for you too.  You have to consider that our society has been flooded with media images of the desirable girl.  But those girls don't last.  I finally understand what that boy in high school meant by what he said.  I am not someone for a few dates.  I am someone to settle down with.  And I am so happy I have found the man I will settle down with.

Don't give up on love.  Love will come when you least expect it.  When you don't see it, it might just be like a flower covered in snow.  Give it time, culture your garden and suddenly, it will bloom.  Until then, indulge in yourself, ladies and gents.  The more you know about yourself, the better you can present yourself and the stronger your relationships.  For now, enjoy a thing called, "La Vie."

Passing Spring with Love Notes

I love a good, foggy morning!

Oh why does the weather torment me so?  Mother Nature, I need you to get on some hormones or something.  Your hot flashes and night sweats are simultaneously making me burn and freeze all the time!  I don't know how to dress, coat or no coat...please...go to Father Time's doctor's office and have him look over you.

I am so ready for spring to be here.  And I mean spring!  Not this Southern excuse-for-spring weather.  The weather where in the morning, it may be about 45 F and by mid-afternoon, a cool 65 F.  Where the fog lays heavy on the Earth and all seems still and pristine.  The dew collects on the petals of flowers and the world exhales slowly.  That is Spring.  When you feel as though the world could not get any more perfected.

Well, of course, my parents perfected it more by having moi!  Yes, there is much to look forward to during this time.  This is my favorite time to go for walks and enjoy nature, as is Fall.  The flowers are blooming, the birds are always singing, the world seems brighter.  It is the time of my birthday, which I love not because of the day but because of the time of year.  It is also the time of Love, new and old, rekindled and sparked.

My favorite thing about Love?  The romance.  The way someone can light up your world by the simplest of gestures.  To the same extent, someone is able to build up your hopes and dash them against a rock.  My favorite thing about my relationship with my fiancé?  The Love Notes.

Yes, we do the sappy, leave-each-other-notes thing.  Strange thing is, I love penning each letter as much as a enjoy receiving it.  If my fiancé elected to base my entire romance on the idea of writing me post-its or letters or cards, I would be happy.  It would be unlike the expression of Love I have ever experienced.  Afterall, what is writing but a forgotten art?

My fiancé has many times marvelled at how I can write this blog, while simultaneously asking if I have said any horrible things about him.  He knows the address, he can read it.  More importantly, I initially started this to help us communicate better.  A lot of the time, I find myself incapable of articulating how I may be feeling or what I may be thinking at a point in time.  In order to better express myself to him, as well as to relieve the stress of worry and contemplation I carry, I thought this would be a good way to nip it in the bud.  This is, therefore, an art form.

I remember being young and after receiving gifts, it was impressed upon myself and my two younger sisters to write thank you notes diligently to those who sent us presents.  I use to hate doing it, finding it bothersome and annoying, a waste of play time.  At the beginning of my engagement, however, I found myself consciously thinking about writing thank you notes.  I wish I got thank you notes.  Mind you, two of those notes are still awaiting addresses, but they are written!

When I was in about middle school, I remember fondly passing notes between classes with my friends.  Oh, how I loved getting a note!  I felt as though I was in a secret society.  This is why writing is so cherished, so loved by people like me.  This is why I adore my fiancé's Love Notes.  Every time I find one waiting for me, it is like a treasure on a piece of paper.  It is one of those things that is hard to let go, as I have no idea when I might get the next one.  I feel as a child on Christmas, waiting for Santa to bring her toys.  When all I really want...is a note from the man I love.

When was the last time you wrote words of endearment to a loved one?  Do you try to do it often?  Perhaps you should take some time and jot a note to your significant other about how much they mean to you.  I fear in this fast-paced world, we sometimes think those around us automatically know we appreciate them.  I know I want that to be acknowledged sometimes though as well.  It isn't enough to know you love me.  Tell me you love me.  Show me you love me.  Tell me your appreciate me.  Show me what I do is appreciated.

I firmly believe that we are all like children.  We want the approval of those around us.  We may be thinking we are OK to not audibly hear the approval, but deep down, the reassurance does wonders for us and makes us want to continue the praised behavior.  So write a Love Note, tell your loved one you appreciate them or simply go behind them, wrap them in your arms and tell them you don't ever want to let go.

Afterall...what is Life without a little Love?

Couple's Loving Embrace