Seeing the World Like a Child

Today was an eventful day.  Near the end of my work day, there was a tornado spotted not too far from our place of business.  As a result, everyone at my place of employment was quickly rushed into an area that would hopefully provide adequate cover for us.  There we stood, all of us, dispersed between three, windowless rooms.  No one was allowed to use their cell phone to let anyone know what was going on.  About 5 minutes after 6, we were given the all-clear, the tornado warning dropped to a severe thunderstorm warning.  With that, I left the company and drove off toward home, my shift having been completed 5 minutes prior.

The rain came down in sheets, violently lashing at anything that dared to pass through.  I sped along with all the other cars, almost as if we were racing between the rain drops.  Finally, I come out of the city and move farther and farther away from the rain clouds to find a surprise: it was dry.

Bone dry.  The sun was pouring down onto the Earth and the pavement, grass and everything else was dry, no sign of any precipitation.  I felt as though I had reverted back to a child, in wonderment of what I was beholding.  When I was a child, I seemed to think that when it rained, it rained around the world and when the sun was out, so it was every where on Earth.  Remember that moment when you would be outside and watching as a sheet of rain comes moving gradually towards you?  Hearing the rain hitting the ground quietly and the noise begins to grow, until you feel the heavy raindrops hit your skin, head and clothing.

I felt this way on the way home about another thing I noticed as well.  The sun at times was hidden behind that clouds.  But you could see the beautiful beams piercing through the cloud cover.  When I was younger, I associated this with God and angels, thinking this was glory raining down.  Nearing that concept of a rainbow, it served as a reminder that I was being watched.  I also considered Heaven to be the clouds, my relatives and loved ones walking over me, peeping over the edge to protect me.

When we are children, everything is so much simpler than it may appear now.  Beauty was easier to find in things and the search for happiness was never a burden.  The world came simple and everything was new.  I know I celebrate this mindset often but I am certain I am not the only person in the world who wishes she could go back to a simpler time in the world.

Well, Readers, my fiance has his son this weekend so I am not certain with what chance I will have to indulge you in my thoughts.  But if I have a moment to tell you what is happening or if the mood suddenly strikes me, I will be more than happy to share.  Until that point, enjoy life and don't let it pass you by.

Reflections in a Rain Puddle

Today, the world continues to celebrate St. Patrick's Day here.  It is gloomy and rainy.  It causes me to want home-made potato soup and brown bread, like my mom makes.  Ah, to be there, in Ireland.

Yesterday, the world seemed to be crying with my fiancé and I as we had to drive the two and a half hours to take his son back.  Weekends are always so short when we have the extra bit of love in the house.  He is 5 and even though he may frustrate us, we adore him.  We don't ever want to let him go.  Sometimes it can be a struggle for me.  Having this charming young boy in our lives includes his mother being there also, my fiancé's first wife.  While I wish they can stay civil for the good of their son, it also makes me sad to witness.  The marriage was far over before I entered into my fiancé's life but still...

At first, I told my fiancé that if he ever saw an opprotunity to reconcile with his ex, I would encourage him to do so.  He looked at me as though I had three heads.

 "Why on earth would I want to do that?"

Why would I ask such a question?  I think, in my mind, I don't ever want to keep a family apart.  If there came a time when people might be able to reconcile, I encourage and want it to happen.  I grew up in a family where my parents had their arguements, yes, but they always reached a resolution.  I know my sisters and I always worried they would divorce.  It was a relatively new thing in society as we grew up and us as well as other kids feared it with a passion.  That was the kiss of death when you were told a family was divorcing.  As a result, I would never wish that upon anyone, for any reason whatsoever.

As time passed and the relationship grew, I saw there no evidence that the past marriage could ever be revived.  The things I lived through with my fiancé would make your blood run cold.  The things his son was exposed to and heard between them.  Being deprived of his son for so long....

This weekend and ever weekend we have to take his son back leads me to almost relive ever bad thing we have ever heard, witness or will in the future.  It makes me wonder how someone can call themselves a role model but lead their life so dangerously.  It is like wondering how people who live below the radar of the law continuously get away with the crimes they commit.  I won't ever know an answer.  All I can do, all we can do, is wait for the moment we will have to fight for his son.  And that day will come.

It is only a matter of time...

So, while the rain falls gently on the Earth, crying with my soul, I remain respectfully still.  The silence brings alive so much within me.  I can reflect on where I have been and where I am going.  I encourage you to do the same.  If you are in a custody situation, reflect on your behavior toward your child and your ex-spouse.  Have you been a less than ideal role model?  What is a role model to you?  Until next time, I hope you have a lovely day and enjoy a thing called, "La Vie."